The Hosts and Their Butler
by monkeypoo93
Summary: High school has ended and it's time for the hosts to expand their horizons. In America. The twins have a list of to-dos, Haruhi is intent on tasting everything, Mori wants a cat, Kyoya's keeping secrets, Honey tunes in to his manly side, Tamaki finds himself swept away by promiscuities, and what happens when a butler lacks a master? Also, who's that lady we all love? Find out XOXO
1. Chapter 1

**This is a collaboration between P. p. rainwater and myself. Do enjoy:) (ALSO! check out P. p. rainwater 's stuff, its marvelous!)**

**[...there are no spaces between the p. p. thing...my computer was wigging out or something]  
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Chapter 1

The Mafia and the Weed

Tamaki Suoh recently read somewhere that when going to university it is essential to expand your horizons. And starting today, it was the beginning of his new university life… In America.

"Hikaru, Kaoru! Let us buy some weed!" He exclaimed in the princeliest manner he could muster with mustard smeared across his face.

The twins stared at him blankly, but for no more than a moment, huge grins slowly spreading across their mischievous faces.

"Tama-chan, you have mustard on your face… why do you wanna try weed?" Honey-senpai asked innocently, a silver spoon placed delicately to his bottom lip, that just so happened to be smeared with icing.

"Mitsukuni," Mori-senpai spoke monotonously, leaning forward to swipe the affronting icing off of Honey-senpai's bottom lip with a long, lanky finger, then quickly brought his finger to his own mouth to suggestively suck it off.

Tamaki, taking a silken pink hanky from his shirt pocket, swiftly rubbed his own face back to perfection.

"Taking weed into one's body, whether it be through smoke or brownies, is an American tradition… Everyone knows that!" Tamaki declared whilst flinging his arms wide in order to encompass the entirety of the situation.

"Of course everyone knows that, Boss," Hikaru spoke matter-of-factly, nodding his head in agreement.

"But, something that _not_ everyone knows is that in order to intake weed, 'whether it be through smoke or brownies', you must first join the mafia," Kaoru drawled as he leaned languidly back into his chair, his arms crossed, a smirk ghosting his attractively thin lips.

"Oh…" Tamaki let a surprised gasp slip through his lips unheeded. "All Americans are in the mafia?"

In the shadows of The Corner sat Kyoya, brooding over what was being said, a hand placed firmly over his mouth in contemplation, seeming content to let the twins have their fun, for once in a bloody blue moon. Haruhi, on the other hand, had stationed herself in the small bit of kitchen, happily examining a long, engorged bratwurst, its juices slipping ever so slowly down one side, tempting the tongue and seducing the eyes with all its meaty glory. She gazed longingly at its natural curve, its firm figure, and eventually temptation got the best of her, bringing the titillating shaft to her lips for a long awaited taste. Sucking slowly, she was engulfed in the pleasure of stimulating her taste-buds to their full potential, moaning in the ecstasy of the moment.

And of course, at the moment when she had reached her peak, Tamaki decided it would be a good time to ask her opinion on the important matter involving the afore mentioned conversation… about the mafia and weed. He stood in the doorway, completely paralyzed, his eyes wide, mouth agape, a look of surprised agony adorning all of his features, his hands twitching in sexual frustration. Which made absolutely no sense…

Because really, she was just eating a bratwurst.

"Senpai," Haruhi spoke sloppily as she chewed luxuriously at the meat in her mouth.

"H-H-Haruhi, what are you," Tamaki gulped, swallowing the accumulation of saliva that had invaded his dark cavern of a mouth, "doing?"

"What does it look like?" Haruhi asked, as if the answer was obvious.

Tamaki gulped once more before speaking, choosing his words carefully as to not expose the explicit fantasy taking place in The Theatre of His Mind, which could only be blamed on Haruhi's unconscious behavior, "Umm, perhaps you are eating?" He asked cautiously, for he was not so sure himself.

"S&M and noooow," both twins began cheering, but were swiftly cut off by the stern command of their now raging prince.

"No one asked your opinion!" Tamaki yelled, pointing an accusing finger at the lanky devils.

"It's no opinion," Hikaru began, both of them shrugging their shoulders suggestively.

"It's a fact!" Kaoru finished.

"You must cut them in little… bite-sized… nibblitz…" Haruhi mumbled to herself as she scampered around the kitchen, acquiring a knife and fork and a much needed plate.

"I sometimes wonder about her…" Hikaru drawled to himself, leaning comfortably against the doorframe.

"Oh Hura-chan! Make me some Commoner's Coffee wouldja?" Kaoru sing-songed, allowing himself to be swept into the moment, flinging his arms about the shoulders of the short, brown-haired girl.

"Kaoru! Don't touch my little girl!" Tamaki screeched from the sidelines, pointing the forgotten corndog in his hand at the ridiculous display of affection Kaoru seemed intent on showing.

"Oh, she doesn't belong to anyone," Kaoru said while rubbing his cheek against the back of Haruhi's neck. Haruhi on the other hand, was so engrossed in the consumption of her dripping wiener she paid no mind to the inappropriate attentions of the younger twin.

"So the mafia…" Kyoya said, entering the kitchen as he pushed his spectacles up the bridge of his elegant nose with a cold index finger – because all of his other fingers are quite warm, obviously.

All heads turned towards the bespeckled businessman, his visage as it always was, dark and contemplative, and yet, a slight hint of… Well, no one really knew what it was, but whatever it was, it was definitely alluring.

"Oh right, right, rightrightright!" Tamaki spoke in his version of 'a good American accent'. "I shall join the mafia!" he paused dramatically, then, with a look of pure confusion, asked: "So… how _does_ one join the mafia exactly?"

The twins looked at each other from across the room, lightening igniting their intense amber gazes.

"Well, you see Boss…" Kaoru began, letting go of the dazed Haruhi and allowing a smirk to grow across his lips.

"First, you have to go see this band, and you have to buy tickets for all your closest friends," Hikaru came forward, handing over a flyer for a band called: The Butler. "Second, you have to play 7 minutes in heaven at a party with lots of alcoholic drinks…" Hikaru was about to continue but was cut off by a grinning Kyoya, his glasses flashing white, a demonic chuckle reverberating against his Adams apple .

"Third, you must also make a _public_ appearance at the newly developed burlesque club: Black Lace," Kyoya said, one arm crossed across his torso, the other hand cocked to support his sharp chin, the phantom of a smile haunting his pale features.

Hikaru stared at Kyoya with a confused look as Kaoru sidled up beside his twin to whisper in his ear: "Doesn't that seem like something the mafia _would_ do?" to which Hikaru could only shrug.

"B-V-B-V-Burlesque club?!" Tamaki exclaimed. "But that's so… I would never allow myself to drop to that sinful level of inappropriate indulgence!" he clawed at his locks of gold in complete and utter hysteria and horror at the mere thought of the possibility of his compliance to such outrageous madness!

At this moment Haruhi finally swallowed the last of her treat, snapping back into reality. "And aren't those places really disrespectful to women?"

"YES! EXACTLY! Don't worry my dear, daddy will never do it! OH!" Tamaki spazzed, gyrating in a most unseemly fashion.

"They're only dancing in their underwear, what's disrespectful about that? It's only showcasing the beauty a woman's body naturally holds," Kyoya deflected emotionlessly and left the room without fanfare.

"Well if you're not going to do it, you can't join the mafia…" Hikaru grinned.

"And if you don't join the mafia, you can't smoke weed…" Kaoru continued.

Haruhi punched her palm, then, pointed skyward, as if an epiphany had just struck her, and said: "And _that's_ an American tradition."

Both twins smiled upon her fondly. "Oh Haru-chan! You're so smart!" they both praised her, which she obviously could care less about.

"Will there be cake?" Honey-senpai asked, his big, brown eyes shining excitedly as he clutched Usa-chan close to his heart, apparently unaware of what everyone had been talking about.

"Of course there will be," Kaoru exclaimed, throwing his arms in the air.

"And more," Mori-senpai spoke from the doorway.

"More treats?!" Honey-senpai hopped up and down excitedly.

"I guess you could call it that…" Mori mumbled to himself as he left the room.

"YAY!" Honey bounced after Mori, repeatedly throwing Usa-chan in the air.

"Mitsukuni…" Mori said, his voice traveling to the kitchen.

"Haha, yes Takashi?" Honey said his voice unnaturally high.

"I wan'a cat…" Mori stated simply.

"No, no, no Takashi, you know rules, no animals in the apartments!"

There was a pause, everyone in the kitchen awaiting Mori's reply, straining their ears to hear it.

"I can keep it in my bed."

There was no reply to that.

Those in the kitchen were left to their own imaginations on what Honey could possibly look like in that silent, inconceivable moment. Surely everyone, including Mori, knew what a ridiculous thought that was; Mori would certainly squash the little thing if it were to share his tiny cot in the corner of Honey's large room. It was even so that Honey's own bed was, by far, much, much larger.

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**NOTE: We both hope you enjoyed the first chapter of this insane story we are weaving for you:) and if you would like us to continue, 2 or more reviews of this chapter are required to obtain the next monstrous installment. Thank you! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Collaborative effort between P. P. Rainwater and myself:) **

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Chapter 2

The Butler

After a week of planning it was about time for the joining of the mafia to commence. Tamaki was quite on top of things, having already bought the tickets to see The Butler perform and purchased an assortment of the finest, most prestigious, alcoholic drinks intended for later that evening; he was ready to begin his initiation. Although, the burlesque club would have to wait for another time… perhaps there was a way he could avoid that nasty outing altogether.

Hikaru and Kaoru had supplied the costumes for the night, all being that of sensually appealing, American-esque, punk-rock style, which they believed was essential wear for the activities they would be participating in. They were quite proud of themselves. What they had designed for Haruhi was especially appealing… in all the right places, and even hid the fact that she was still rather flat chested. Thigh-high black leather boots accentuated her long, thin legs, a red, frilly, short, filmy-material dress clung to her thin frame and had several folds that made her appear much curvier than she truly was, and they had personally attended to the arrangement of her now long, silken brown locks and the little make-up they allowed her to wear. And for themselves they had marvelous things planned for their own hair.

"H-Haru-chan," Honey-senpai whined, his eyes brimming with glistening tears.

Haruhi and her two personal stylists awaited Honey's next words, scarcely breathing; wondering what could possibly make the usually happy boy so dreadfully despondent.

"You look so sexy! WAHHHH!"

No one was quite sure how this fact could make Honey-senpai react in such an indecorous fashion.

"WHY ISN'T SHE CUTE!?"

"Ah, so that's it," The twins spoke in unison.

"Well, if you don't mind, I'm hungry!" Haruhi declared and left for the kitchen.

The twins and Honey could hear her squeals of pleasure when she banged open a cupboard.

"She's really going to get fat if she keeps eating so much," Hikaru said while shoving his hands deep into his pockets, leaning comfortably against the wall.

"She could use a curve or two," Kaoru replied falling dramatically on the queen-sized bed that the twins shared.

In the other room, the one just across the hall, Tamaki stood before his full length mirror as he took in every aspect of his primped and pampered physique. Admiring his rugged leather jacket, formfitting dark gray, V-neck t-shirt, denim boot-legged jeans, and purple high-top Chuck Taylors.

"Something's missing…" He spoke idly to himself, and search through the clutter on his king-sized bed for the perfect necklace the twins had provided for him; it was a simple purple guitar pic, that matched his converse, suspending on a dark chain, and would bring to life his lovely lavender eyes.

"Alright, that looks… pretty good," He smiled contently at his radiant reflection.

Meanwhile, in Kyoya's room, on Kyoya's bed, sat Kyoya. His room was rather dismal with the only light being that of the few rays that managed to creep beneath his door from the hallway. Having already dressed himself in his own apparel, not wishing to wear the clothes the twins had provided, he thought to himself quietly. He wasn't one to normally comply with such a ridiculous activity like attending a concert, especially one that involved a band called The Butler. He had heard a few of their songs, and they weren't bad, but something about the lead singer… Set him off. Perhaps it was their striking resemblance, in voice and looks.

Kyoya's head jolted towards the door as a timidly repeated rapping went on the other side of the white painted wood.

"Come in," Kyoya said simply, rising from his bed as an attractive transvestite opened his door slowly, entering his room with such grace and poise. "Tamaki, you do realize that your shirt is stuffed, don't you…? And why are you wearing lipstick?" Kyoya asked, his face blank, but his eyes shone with merriment.

The lanky blond(e) took a quick peek down his shirt then stuttered: "W-w-well… I um… Hikaru! Kaoru!" and with that, he fled, hastening down the hall and ramming into the firm chest of Mori-senpai, as Kyoya chuckled to himself, which was a rather sinister sound.

Mori stared confusedly as Tamaki continued his mad dash into the twins' room, then, with an apathetic shrug, he continued on his way to the kitchen to find Haruhi. Just a moment ago, Honey had come stumbling into their shared room blubbing about how upset he was that Haru-chan had lost all cute aspects of herself, and Mori figured it was in his best interest to figure out what, exactly, Honey had meant. And he had a hunch she would be in the kitchen; that was where she had been spending most her time since they had arrived here, like a woman should.

Sure enough, Haruhi was staring fixatedly into the whirring microwave, the two marshmallows she had placed atop the chocolate and graham cracker expanding nicely. They were so divine, a couple of round, white mounds, growing to a perfect size, their plush, pillowy, figures making her mouth water with anticipation. The microwave dinged, sending Haruhi into action. She quickly covered the bulging mallows with the other cracker, then brought the dripping mess to her waiting lips.

"Om!" the sound escaping her dripping cavern in satisfaction.

"Hmm…" Mori hummed to himself, nodding once, as if in approval. Satisfied that Haruhi hadn't changed anything about herself except her clothes, he left the room.

"Hurry up and remove this affronting cleavage, so we can depart!"

"Ok, Boss!" Hikaru agreed.

"On it!" Kaoru yelled.

"OH… oh… OH! Don't be so rough with me, you mean things!"

And in moments everyone shoved themselves into the limo parked outside their high class apartment. Haruhi held tightly onto her s'more, wishing no harm to come to it, unless it be by her own greedy mouth. Little did she know the harm had already been done, by the clutching of her hands…

_Hell will come to those who wish it,_

_I'm not that hard to find,_

_Luring like a harlot, _

_Your revenge is mine._

_Life is overrated,_

_So, pass your rose down the line._

_Mix your blood with mine._

The music blared through the speakers sending shivers down each of the hosts' spines, then the song ended. The electric guitar player, with the long, bright red hair, pumped an "I love you" with his hand in the air several times then licked his upper lip suggestively, winking at the same time. The multitude of girls, and even some boy, in the crowd screamed at his display of miniscule seduction. Haruhi, however, was not at all impressed; in fact, she had been staring at the bar across the room for a rather long time, wondering if they served any kind of free snack.

"I see you bought backstage passes," Kyoya said calmly as he looked down at his ticket.

"Hmm, did I?" Tamaki asked, leaning in towards his normally bespeckled friend who had, for the occasion, taken off his pristine pair of wire rimmed glasses for a couple of clear contacts.

Kyoya looked at his blond haired counterpart, a small frown creasing his regal brow, wondering how Tamaki always managed to be so dimwitted.

"I just bought the most expensive ones… I wanted to make sure they were in good condition."

"Tamaki… You do realize that makes no sense, don't you?" Kyoya spoke blandly.

"Who cares, this means we get to meet the band members!" Hikaru said, he seemed extremely excited.

"Yeah, I was kind of wanting to meet the smiley one in the back! I don't remember him from any of the pictures…" Kaoru spoke shrilly.

That's when they realized that the show was over, and they had all been yelling for absolutely no reason whatsoever. The crowd was headed for the big double-doors steering clear of the attractive yet strangely dressed group of boys who were obviously foreigners.

"Hey Tama-chan, where's Haru-chan?" Honey asked from Mori-senpai's shoulders; he had been having trouble seeing the show standing normally.

"Oh, well she's right… Huh?" Tamaki looked all around him, but was unable to find the sexily clad girl.

Meanwhile, at the bar, Haruhi sipped at a Strawberry Daiquiri that a very nice red-haired gentleman had ordered and purchased for her. He had assured her, many times, that it was completely virgin, much like herself.

"I love your dress, it's just so… Red… like a gushing wound, spewing crimson," he spoke in a rather nasally, flamboyantly odd voice that wasn't at all NOT pleasing to Haruhi's ears, in fact, she rather fancied it.

"Uh… Thanks, I guess… Your hair is nice too." Haruhi said, a little on the sloshed side.

"Oh thank you," the obscure gentleman replied, flipping his long locks of fire over his shoulder nonchalantly, "Now then, you really must let me try that on," he smiled revealing his wickedly sharp teeth, the whitest teeth Haruhi had ever set eyes on, and she couldn't help but nearly spit the strawberry concoction in the man's face for what he had said.

"What?" She asked rather alarmed.

"Haruhi!" Came the distant call of Tamaki and the other's, all running towards her as if she were in some great danger.

As she was distracted, her sights no longer set on the strange man in front of her, she felt a small touch on her waist, hands gripping at the delicate fabric sheathing her ivory flesh.

"Oh yes, I did pick the right one! …You really MUST introduce me to your lovely friends!"

Haruhi turned back toward the man who still had his cool mitts plastered to her waist, but she couldn't help but notice the small blush transmitting across the man's cheeks as he stared upon the approaching males.

"OH! It sets my heart afire," The man seemed to have lost himself as his body began to squirm with unrequited pleasure, his fingers twitching against her sides.

"Don't touch my little girl!" Tamaki bellowed, his foot rising behind him, fire alighting in his violet eyes, "Starlight… KICK!" His foot collided harshly with the well set jaw of the redhead's face.

"Nnnnhh… Why… always… the face?" The man moaned from the ground, his fingers still twitching.

"My, my… What a mess you've made."

All eyes turned to the sensually placid voice, which belonged to a tall, dark haired man, his eyes seeming to be an unfathomable russet.

"You'll have to excuse this idiot," The lead singer of the band said with a smile curving up the corners of his elegant lips.

"Oh, Bassy... You wound me!" The redhead whined as he righted himself, as if no harm had ever come to him.

"Sebastian Michaelis!" Kaoru beamed, his eyes awestruck as he gazed up at the sinister visage of the russet eyed man.

"Oh!" Kaoru began, searching in the medium sized satchel that clung to his side, until he found the golden packaged box of divine Ulm chocolates, "We heard you had a certain liking for chocolate… so we brought this for you, all the way from Germany… We're big fans!" his attempt at redeeming some of his pride epically failed, obviously.

Sebastian's eyes went somewhat wide, as if touched, or thoroughly creeped out, "Hmm… I do have a rather puritanical fondness for chocolate… I eat it religiously, in very… precise, strictly measured portions." His eyes soon went squinted as if in indulged pleasure.

He took the box with a humble bow, nodding his head in thanks and that's when his eyes landed on Haruhi, surprise invading all of his features… she looked… so familiar.

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**Note: We require, this time, at least five reviews for this chapter to continue on any further! Thank you and we hope you enjoyed this installment of The Hosts and Their Butler! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself. **

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Chapter 3

A Loyal Soul and a Supple Body

The hosts all sat in an elegantly arranged room, located behind the stage. Sebastian sat regally on a large, comfy looking, high-backed chair that resembled the likings of a throne. He was unable to take his crimson tinted eyes away from the immaculate figure of Haruhi Fujioka as she sucked the remaining creamy substance from the elegance of a spoon. There, in the pristine opaque covering that the small bowl provided, the creaminess swam with small globs of succulent gelatin.

"Oooo, I do love tapioca, if only it were red!" The man with red hair, also known as Grell Sutcliff, said while retrieving a small vile of red food-coloring that rested in his breast pocket.

"Yeah… this is really good!" Haruhi said excitedly as she swallowed the sticky cream.

Tamaki sat atop a red velvet sofa along with two misbehaving identical tarts. Not only was he upset about having to share his seat with two spawns of the devil, but he was rather jealous of the Sebastian character who got to sit in a throne that should obviously belong to him, the king. Not to mention that the singing raven-boy couldn't keep his brooding gaze off of the king's darling little girl. And even that red-haired monster had committed a wrong; he had bought Haruhi her first alcoholic drink and that was obviously supposed to be Tamaki's job! If anyone was going to get her drunk it had to be him!

"HARUHI IS MINE!" Tamaki rose from his seat, fist held in the air, indignation steaming from his nostrils.

All eyes turned to the golden haired adult, Haruhi having a most disapproving look on her face.

"We're not dating anymore senpai… besides that, you can't own me. I'm a person not a thing," Haruhi spoke in the most factual voice she could manage.

Tamaki had tears in his eyes, not tears that one would find serious; his face was contorted into a hideously pathetic expression, and little unheeded whimpers escaped up his throat ever so often.

Just then, the lovely red haired devil removed the stopper from his vile of red food coloring and, with much extravagance, proceeded to squeeze out a drop of the red stuff, sending the little liquid sprinkle falling right into the center of Haruhi's white delicacy.

"There! Perrrrrfect!" Grell purred next to Haruhi's ear. "Go on now, stir it up," he smiled, revealing his dazzlingly sharp teeth.

Haruhi looked down at the pudding then up at Grell who was still smiling viciously at her.

"Thank you… Senpai." Haruhi replied, not once protesting against the sudden addition of the red stuff to her pure, angelic bowl of pudding.

"Well," Hikaru suddenly jumped up from his place on the couch. "I think it's about time we head to that party," he was obviously bored with all the chitchat going on, his brother looked as if he would drift off into a little snooze at any moment, everY so often – because, that is obviously a specific time.

"Yeah," Kaoru stood slowly, his every movement resembling that of a cat just pulling itself from slumber; he stretched indolently and yawned languorously before finally blinking away the remains of sleepiness from his golden eyes. "When is that party starting again?" he asked of his brother.

"So often," Hikaru replied coolly.

"What party!?" Tamaki screeched in a most undignified manner.

"That's what you bought all the beer for, right Boss?" Both twins chimed in quizzically.

"OOOO, there's going to be a party? Does it involve lingerie, hmm?" Grell asked, pressing a finger delicately to his bottom lip in question.

"Of course!" Kaoru hollered, while sliding up to Haruhi's side, a rather suggestive look playing on his perfect features.

Haruhi didn't notice though, she was too captivated by the smooth textured redness gliding exquisitely and slushily from spoon, passed lips, to tongue, to throat. There was possibly nothing that could remove her from the state of enjoyment she was currently trapped in. So overwhelmed by the taste of the milky affluence before her, how could she possibly have the brain capacity to notice anything other than the textures and flavors invading her mouth?

"Oh! Might I join in the fun? I do love a good party," Grell winked.

While the hosts and their newly acquired feminine friend yakked on about the seemingly inappropriate party that was to happen soon, Sebastian sat on his throne, taking in all that went on, a completely blank and uninterested expression plastered on his face. He turned his red gaze to Haruhi and was once again blown away by the familiarity he saw there in her finely sculpted features. With her long, dark, hair and her softly proportioned face, the shortness of her stature, she looked just like a little… Robin? Sebastian cocked an eyebrow, wondering where he had heard such a strange phrase to describe one's appearance, but, for some reason, it made perfect sense, to him.

"Oh," Sebastian sighed in dismay, pressing his hand, gently, to his brow, as if to prevent an oncoming headache, "Lord Druitt…" He said, recalling the time of so often, so long ago, when the Viscount of Druitt kidnapped his beloved Master. All at once, a veil of depression clouded his perceptive gaze, his apathy multiplying twofold, and his usually so straight and strong shoulders slumping in a sigh of utmost defeat. His master, the one whom he only lived to serve – quite literally – threw him out, casting him aside, as if he were a useless pawn in a chess game, or the nasty card, with the little old lady surrounded by cats on it, in the insipid game of Old Maid.

Sebastian shook his head, trying to clear his mind of the dulling effect sentimentality seemed to have on him, his silky black hair swishing nicely, but his thoughts remained as they were. He sighed again, not bothering to attempt to vanquish this more human side of himself again. Over the years, spending so much useless time with more and more human acquaintances had taken quite a toll on his thinking patterns; he felt quite inadequate.

"What do you say, Bassy? Be my date!" Grell sidled up to his dear demonic friend, smiling and blushing like an idiot schoolgirl.

"Never," Sebastian replied offhandedly, it was nearly an automatic response nowadays.

"Oh, you're no fun… Where's my Undies?" Grell spun away from Sebastian in search of something a bit more willing to participate in his games.

"Do we really have to bring that buffoon with us!? Isn't this my party?" Tamaki bellowed at the two smirking felines in front of him.

"Well, Boss, it wouldn't really count as a party if you don't invite guests," Kaoru explained patiently.

"But I'm already allowing the two of you to come!" Tamaki was about to enter the grand world of hysterics, he just needed one more push.

"We live with you, we don't count…" Hikaru stood by his brother, fidgeting impatiently.

Suddenly, Grell appeared from the back of the room, carrying with him a large barrel full of sparkly crystals of salt, a head protruding from the white granules.

"Oho! This feels so nice!" the head protruding from the barrel spoke in a joyous tone, as if it really were having a wonderful time.

Everyone turned to gaze at the grey haired head in the barrel, a scar marring his porcelain face, stretching from one cheek to the other, his perfect nose a victim of some long past cruelty. The smile adorning his face, with remarkably vicious appearing cheer, stretched, nearly, from ear to ear, giving him a rather scathing aura, quite a contrast to his evidently blissful mood.

A hideously crazed chortle of a laugh tickled its way up the gray-haired-head's throat, exploding out his mouth in a tumble of wild and cracking clatters, making all the those gathered in the small room – excluding the grinning Grell and brooding Sebastian – jump in surprise then stare warily at the creature whom they had yet to meet.

"Mm," the creature hummed to itself as it began lapping up tongue-fulls of the sparkling grains. "I can feel all my juices leaving my body; I really should do this more often," the head spoke to itself in a demented voice, gurgles of laughter escaping through his parted lips when he had finished speaking.

"Grell, why is he in that barrel?" Sebastian asked, an unsaid 'again' ghosting his spoken words.

"It's not my fault, Bassy, he did this to himself," Grell pouted, but then smiled at the wide-eyed crowd of college students. "This is my Undies," he spoke merrily, his eyes turning fondly to the head in the barrel. "He can't come out right now though," Grell held his long-nailed fingers to his lips in amusement.

"Undies?" Haruhi recovered from the shock first, and now that her bowl of creamy goodness was sadly empty, she had little to divert her attention from the odd scene taking place before her.

"Yes, yes, it's got a nice little ring to it, yes?" the head asked, smiling creepily.

"Like underwear?" Kaoru asked, having trouble remembering the third band member's name.

Again that strange cackle erupted from the mouth of the head. "Oh no, I hate the dreadful things… I suppose its short for Undertaker," the head explained.

"Ohhhh," the twins harmonized, looking at each other in a confused way.

"Why can't he come out?" Honey asked from his perch on Mori's shoulders.

"Well… you see…" Grell began, his words halting, amusement leaking between his fingers in the form of misplaced giggles.

"I'm naked!" Undies bellowed, and, with a loud guffaw, effectively knocked himself and his barrel over, christening the floor with white sparkling shards of salt.

"Oh my," Grell stared at the mess the undertaker had made, then at the gleeful expression the undertaker had plastered on his pale face. "Bassy, clean it up," Grell ordered, and for a reason unbeknownst to the black clad Sebastian, he stood to obey.

To this, both Grell and the undertaker watched in shock.

…

The hosts and their newly acquired guests shot out of the limo, despite the space it provided they had all been quite cramped and were, perhaps, a bit too enthusiastic to be done with the short ride.

"I really love this red jacket," Grell said while stroking Kaoru's shoulder sensually, his eyes holding a gleaming form of creepy attraction.

"Uh… Thanks, I like yours too," Kaoru said, referring to Grell's fabulously red trench coat.

"Oh, aren't you just the sweetest thing… sweet as candy! Oh, I can hardly stand it!" Grell said while hugging himself, his body in a fit of endless squirms.

"Shall we go in?" Kyoya spoke calmly then headed for the apartment building's entrance, assuming that the buffoons behind him would be smart enough to follow. And, surprisingly, they were.

However, as they all headed to the double doors, a quiet, almost imperceptible sound was heard by two of the taller men standing at the back of the group. They both turned their dark heads toward the sound, listening intently and not caring that they were being left behind by the rest of the group.

"Did you hear that?" Sebastian inquired suspiciously of the dark eyed man beside him.

"Yeah," Mori replied succinctly.

"I believe it came from that alley, do you wish to continue on, Mast- uh, Mori," Sebastian asked, mentally berating himself for his near slip-of-the-delicate-tongue… as Grell would put it.

"Mm," Mori nodded in delicate-approval.

The two of them continued on, approaching the alley slowly, in a way that resembled a pair of hunting cats. So in sync were they that their elegantly long bodies moved in ways that seemed almost rehearsed, perfect in a sensually intimidating manner. Then they both disappeared into the darkness, like shadows, moving with animal like grace, their features bestial just before they entered the alley's artificial night.

They heard it again, the small and sweet plea of a lost soul. Sebastian instinctively turned toward the sound, his eyes glowing in the small light the moon provided, suddenly spotting the silhouette of a small, supple body, with paws, such soft paws… And he immediately stood up straight and smiled upon the tiny creature of ultimate perfection.

"Here, Kittykittykittykitty," Mori spoke softly from his crouch, a big gentle hand stretched forward in welcome to the small beast.

The cat quickly obliged to the wishes of the gentle giant, prancing up to the warm fingers that lovely stroked the charcoal colored fur of the small kitten. Mori smoothly lifted the kitten off the cold, dirt-ridden ground and brought the small helpless thing to his bosom, cradling it sweetly near his heart.

Sebastian allowed a wicked smile to curve up the corners of his delicately plush lips as he gazed fondly at the scene unfurling before him.

The kitten opened its eyes and looked toward the demon who stood before him, the moon glinting off its reflective sapphire eyes. Sebastian's smile disappeared in that instant, as the strikingly blue eyes continued their penetrating stare, causing Sebastian's mind to warble and churn with thoughts that brought a sharp pain to his spine.

"Sebastian! Mori! We're gonna play a game, hurry up!" The boyish voice of Haruhi chimed from the entrance of the building.

Mori looked over at Sebastian, whose face still shone with the phantom of betrayal, but the big man attributed that look to the fact that the little pet in his hands had come to him instead of the strangely alluring pale man.

"Here, you can hold it," Mori handed the ball of fluff to Sebastian in the most caring way he could manage.

Mori then smiled vaguely, beginning to walk down the alley, back towards the building's entrance where Haruhi remained.

Sebastian couldn't help but smirk in the giant's direction, immediately able to perceive the pure heart that inhabited Mori's being. A heart belonging to a very loyal and untainted soul, a soul Sebastian could take much interest in.

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**Note: Sorry, dearies, for the long and boring wait! You may all blame PP for that; that person has been busy with... some things. We will try to be more punctual with our updates, please forgive us. We hope you enjoyed this addition of idiocy:) 5 reviews and the next chapter shall be yours! ...to read. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself:) ALSO! a special thanks goes out to Mr. Kitty (not a fanfic member), who tried so desperately to ruin all our hard work. **

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Chapter 4

7 Minutes in Heaven

It was plunged in deep. Then brought forth from the frothy abyss, only to be plunged in again. Once it had resurfaced, shining with moisture, a skilled hand maneuvered its soft fingers around and then down the hot hardness of its long, slippery, tubular walls. A sudsy spume slipped down all sides, little foamy bubbles squirting between Haruhi's thin fingers, as she finished it off, setting it aside for later use.

"Allow me," a dark and alluring purr came from just behind the young, attentive maiden as talented fingers joined her in the warmth of the lathery pit.

Sebastian quickly mastered the tools at hand, washcloth and sudsy bubbles put to quick work against the dirtied cups.

"I don't mind finishing these up, Miss, you may go back to the game, I'll finish up that snack for you as well," the smile he bestowed upon Haruhi was that of eyes squinted in complete satisfaction; he was obviously quite at ease cleaning and cooking things.

"Oh, you don't have to do that… Senpai," She felt the formality necessary.

"Don't feel burdened, it will only take me a moment." Sebastian answered with a humble bow, his right hand placed over his left breast.

"Oh… ok." Haruhi answered shyly, feeling somewhat uncomfortable around the pale man. She was unable to discard the misgivings she felt towards the evil aura she detected around him, which seemed to make leaving easier for her, plus, she knew Tamaki would probably get suspicious and come looking for her…

"Haruhi, you're just in time, we're about to start!" Kaoru squealed excitedly.

"What exactly are we starting?" Haruhi asked taking a sit sat on her nice, fit bum-bum.

"7 minutes in heaven!" The red-haired diva cried, throwing his hands in the air, clearly excited for the upcoming events, but Haruhi was not at all impressed.

The brown eyed girl crossed her arms in defiance, "I'm not playing that," she stated simply, getting better at saying no to the twins over the years.

"Why not?" Kyoya asked suddenly from The Corner of The Room while he sat atop The Chair.

All eyes turned to the brooding specimen known as The Cool-Type, his bent index finger supporting his sharp chin, the other arm of the other hand wrapped around his waist as if he were an insecure teen, worried that maybe too much of his gut was sticking out. Which was absolutely ridiculous, because he was about as thin as paper, also as white.

"Kyoya?" Haruhi asked nervously, a single drop of sweat gliding elegantly from her temple to her cheek, until she swiped it away.

"I'm pretty sure you want to play," Kyoya finally replied, a sinister smirk taking up residence on his sharp face.

Normally Haruhi would have been able to say no, just as she had wished, but this was linked to a whole different matter. In fact, the reason for her even being able to attend a college in America was directly linked to that certain liability that involved her complete compliancy to the omniscient, four-eyed businessman.

"Haruhi! Don't ruin my party!"

All heads turned to Tamaki, surprise lighting in all eyes who knew him. How could Tamaki wish for his little girl to take part in such promiscuities? The twins immediately knew the obvious answer, and turned to each other, mirroring expressions of disdain adorning their faces.

Originally, none of the men – besides Grell, of course – would have wanted to play such a risqué game, however the possibility of, just maybe, getting to be in a dark room, alone, with Haruhi, was just too tempting to pass up.

"So… how do you play?" Tamaki asked in the most ditzy way one could imagine.

"Well," Grell began, seeming quite pleased to be the one explaining the regulations of such a game, "First, half the names must be tossed into a hat!" He pranced over to the coffee table, squatting down so he could peak beneath it. And behold, there was Undies, lolling in the cold position resembling that of a corpse in the confines of a coffin. "We can use Undies'!"

Undies chortled, handing over his hat in the most submissive manner, then going back to his stiff deportment beneath the pristinely crafted mahogany coffee table.

Grell hurriedly wrote down half of the names, in the best calligraphy he could manage, then flippantly tossed them into the deep depths of Undies' glorious, black top-hat.

"Then you mix them all together!" He squealed while he tousled the names with his elegant fingers, as if the names were leaves of lettuce in a salad. "Now, all of you," Grell pointed out several people in the room, including: Hikaru, Mori, Tamaki, Sebastian – who had just then entered the room – and Kyoya. "Get to pick a special someone from this special hat! HAHAHA!" He exclaimed in the most flamboyant tone, dramatically displaying the hat for all to behold, his other, unoccupied hand, placed dexterously to his lovely brow, winking to the crowd gathered around him.

The twins glanced at each other in a way that could only be describe as conspiratorial, just before Hikaru stood to be the first to pick a name. He had a twenty percent chance to get the girl, a twenty percent chance to get his twin and save Haruhi from an otherwise terrible fate, a forty percent chance to win; those odds would have to be good enough. He approached the hat, his Adam's apple bobbing once in nervousness. Not only was he worried that he wouldn't draw Haruhi or his brother, for Haruhi's sake, but also for himself, he had no wish to enter a dark place with someone such as the red bass player, who obviously wished he were a woman.

His fingers dipped into the dark place; his digits exploring, investigating, swirling gently, searching for the perfect position to claim the ultimate prize. As his hand went down further, a drop of sweat gliding down the length of his cheek, Grell squealed in blissful excitement, causing the hat to jerk just a smidgen.

"Ah!" Hikaru involuntarily gasped, as Grell shoved the lifeless thing against him.

"Oh yes! Grab it! Faster!" Grell pleaded, his arm becoming tired.

Hikaru obliged him, gripping tightly, and pulling…

The piece of paper read: Kaoru.

Hikaru let out a sigh of utmost relief, although a look a sadness played on his features, seeing as how he would not get a chance with his beloved Haruhi. "Kaoru," Hikaru called, waving towards the closet.

"Alrighty then," Kaoru stood, the beginnings of a devilish grin worming its way across the soft expanse of his lips.

"Oh pooh… and I was so hoping for it to be me," Grell announced annoyingly, his arms crossed, "Oh well, this gives me some time to put on my lingerie," he laughed delightedly, skipping off to wherever it was he was going.

The twins sauntered off to the dark room they had prepared themselves, for just this type of excursion. They shut the door, blocking the rest of the party from their soon to be intimate game.

Everyone sat at their places, but for no more than a moment, all running to the closed off entrance, all placing their ears as close to the portal as they were able. Haruhi however had received her long awaited comestible, Sebastian bowing in respect. His eyes gazed at the girl as she ate her treat, her process of consumption so different from that of the way his master ate.

That's when it all began, the twins' moment of passion, causing all the other host's faces to blush in disbelief as they heard a body being bumped harshly against the door.

"Ow! Not so hard, Hikaru!" they heard Kaoru whisper, a bit breathlessly.

"It's not my fault, you said to go all-out," Hikaru growled affectionately, another bang against the door sending all gathered a step back.

"Oh God, surely they're not…" Tamaki said in hysteria.

"Thinking about…" Kyoya continued.

"…DOING IT!?" Grell burst forth from the hall, his attire red and quite nearly see-through. "Are they doing it yet?" he asked, trembling with eagerness.

All the hosts turned their heads to the sensually clad man, but their attention was soon reclaimed by the happenings behind the door. They heard a series of soft grunts, accompanied by a few hushed groans.

"Come on Kaoru, that's it!" Hikaru encouraged his beloved brother.

"I'm so hot! I don't think I can go on any longer!" Kaoru cried out in a heated moan.

"I told you to lose the shirt already," Hikaru scolded dominantly.

"Ok, ok…ok," Kaoru breathed, giving in to his brother's wishes.

"That's it," Hikaru enthused quietly.

"That feels much better," Kaoru mewled in satisfaction.

All eyes were wide on the other side of the door. Astonishment clearly displayed on all their features. Many of them gulping in confused surprise.

"So… whose timing them?" Grell asked presently.

"Timing?" Tamaki managed to squeak.

"Oh, forget it!" Grell squealed and pressed the entirety of his body against the door. "Just let them finish!" he gushed.

"Ok… your turn…" Kaoru breathed, exhausted.

"Good, I was getting impatient," Hikaru spoke maliciously.

Meanwhile, behind The Door, Hikaru positioned himself above, his hands set firmly against the ground, his body taught and ready to begin.

"Hurry up and do it!" Kaoru demanded, his voice sounding with mockery; a dare had been made.

"Ok, fine," Hikaru spoke in a hushed whisper, the evilness of a smile could be heard in his voice. "But I'm gonna beat you so bad…"

And he began. His muscles flexing with every plunge, his breathing a steady rhythm at first, though becoming more labored and uneven as he continued, reaching his peak and losing his stamina; but he was determined.

"Jesus!" Kaoru stuttered in disbelief.

"Oh… Yeah… Ah, I burn!" Hikaru exclaimed in a rough roar.

"That's gonna hurt in the morning," Kaoru choked out distraughtly.

Finally, Hikaru collapsed, breathing heavily as he allowed his arms to relax at his sides.

"Ah… A new record," Kaoru said matter-of-factly. "How many was that?" he asked, glancing at his stopwatch.

"Eighty… give or take," Hikaru spoke, sitting up and reaching for his shirt.

"I think our time is about up, should we go?" Kaoru asked, retrieving his own discarded shirt.

"Sure, that probably scared them enough," Hikaru stood, trying to figure out if his shirt was inside out or not.

Just as Hikaru began to open the door, Kaoru looked down at himself, being able to see with the small sliver of light just entering, "Oh… my flies undone." He said, zipping his pants just as they exited, little did he know that this only made the situation that much more believable.

They walked into The Living Room to a crowd of blushing, shocked hosts and a single hyperventilating tranny.

"Hey," Kaoru smiled, a bit disheveled.

"So… whose next?" Hikaru inquired daringly; a sly grin decorating his flushed face.

Everyone, except Grell took a step back in fear.

"OOH! ME! Pick me!" Grell pleaded, his hands waving frantically in the air.

Tamaki cleared his throat, "I think that's enough for one night… time for the alcoholic beverages!"

"I'll prepare them, Sir, I make a mean Margarita," Sebastian said, while taking a humble bow.

Mori stared blankly, wondering where Sebastian was keeping that cat and immediately went in search of it.

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**Note: Minimum of 7 reviews required for this chapter! Thank you! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself:]**

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Chapter 5:

What woke her wasn't the chill, the light, or the sounds, it was the smell. The aromatic whiff of sizzling bacon, the hint of sweet, warm syrup and the sulfuric tint of eggs. The promise of a deliciously delightful breakfast, American style, is what drew her from her drink induced slumber.

She opened her eyes slowly. They felt heavier than usual, and when she tried to sit up her head throbbed with the beating of her pulse, so she surrendered to gravity and lay back down, allowing her eyes to close against the dim rays of gray light that managed to sneak around the curtains hanging in front of the big sliding, glass doors. That's when she realized she wasn't in her own bed, or any bed for that matter.

Suddenly, there was a shifting. An arm was carelessly flung across her waist and a face was shoved against her neck, the breath flowing from its lips a warm caress of putrid air, making Haruhi wrinkle her nose in revulsion and try aimlessly to turn away. But the arm, so lifeless seeming a moment ago, clutched at her tightly, moving her body closer to its own, a soft whine of protest escaping its lips.

Her eyes flew open, and she began wiggling frantically, trying to loosen the arm' s iron grasp. She turned her face away from the whining breath, only to find another face on her opposite side. Tamaki's eyes were, blessedly, closed and she breathed a sigh of relief to find that his body was nowhere near her own, although his face was a bit too close for comfort. She turned her eyes back to the ceiling, lying still so that the arm wouldn't crush her, and began groping with her left hand for something that might save her… exactly what that was, she had no idea.

But oh, the innocence of that hand was soon violated by the sudden, soft, contact of warm, bare skin. Her finger only brushed the skin, a light touch as imperceptible as butterfly wings, but it was enough. The body the skin belonged to responded eagerly, rolling toward her and taking residence against her other side, its own face making a pillow of her lower abdomen, its fingers finding purchase on her hip, its arm a blanket on her thighs. And he was warm. So was the hand wrapped around her waist, she realized, making her assess her situation in a different light.

_So… Am I naked?_ She couldn't help but wonder, in a frantic, panicked sort of way.

She lifted her head, just enough to take inventory of her various pieces and parts. Then allowed her head to fall back in a sigh of utmost relief, regretting it as soon as her head met with floor, resulting in a fit of senseless pounding; she was mostly decent though, mostly. But, for the life of her, she couldn't figure out why she was dressed the way she was, not in her own bed and surrounded by sleeping men on their living room floor.

"Mmmm…" the one against her neck moaned softly. "Oh Bassy…"

Haruhi's eyes widened at the realization that the one clinging to her was, none other than, Grell.

"It will only hurt for… a moment," he breathed against her neck, sending nasty little shivers down her spine, making both Grell and the one gripping her hip hold on tighter.

She'd had enough. With a scream befitting that of a banshee, she somehow managed to escape the tight grips of both sleeping men and run from the room, but eventually, the thing that stopped her mad dash was the throbbing of her head, and the sudden stream of chunky bile traveling up her elegant throat… she really did have a nice throat, like a ballerina's or a swan's! The skin so perfectly white and silky… satin skin! And so, the lumpy concoction of up-chuck (up-cock, in Rainwater's vocabulary) spewed between her supple yet firm, thoroughly moist, lips, all over the bathroom floor.

The sudden release of poisoned fluids seemed to help get rid of at least some of her headache, allowing her to have only one clear thought: _What's going on in the kitchen?_ So to the kitchen she went! It was a very arduous and tasking journey. A journey that took much work. A journey that caused her many troublesome pains. A journey it was! And a journey it would be! (later, of course, when she would have to pee OH! A rhyme!)

And there, In The Kitchen, stood two, tall dark haired men. One sporting a domestic black apron, the other wearing something so frilly and pink it took Haruhi more than a few moments to process that it was really Mori. Haruhi took in the succulent aroma that the sizzling bacon and the puffy pancakes put off, and drank in the sight of Sebastian, his black apron forming nicely to his clearly toned body. With the overwhelming smell and the delicious sight she beheld it was far too much for her still-half-wasted-self/brain/body/schnitzel/mind to take in at once and so, with that note, she fell to the ground, the last thing in her vision being that of glistening, concerned… red eyes. And Mori, over there → still cooking, being much too theatrical with his mixing of the eggs.

**THE PREVIOUS NIGHT!**

Tamaki sat atop the posh sofa, one leg sprawled across the softness of said-sofa cushions, while the other lazes about on the floor. His button-down shirt, was undone to the fifth button, baring, for all to see, his hairless chest, simply because that's how it was; he was quite bald, you see, aside from the hair that rested atop his glorious head; up there it was quite thick.

"It is time to commence!" Tamaki declared, pointing a finger at all who gazed upon his hairless chest, this included…. Everyone, especially Grell, who found himself/herself gawking femininely.

"BRING OUT THE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGES!"

And with that came Sebastian, a tray held in his sturdy fingers, countless bottles of beer and wine fashioned into a sturdy pyramid. And then, it commenced, the drinking began, everyone took a gulp… Except Haruhi.

"Haruhi! Why aren't you drinking!?" Honey-senpai inquired quite noisily as he continued his gluttonous consumption of alcoholic beverages.

"I don't usually… drink… alcohol, Honey-senpai," Haruhi haltingly replied.

"Then what _do_ you do with them Haruhi?" Tamaki inquired innocently, one lanky, yet awkward finger placed elegantly to his chin.

Haruhi stared blankly at the still enquiring blond bimbo, Tamaki's lips puckered ever so slightly in, what he thought to be, a very arousing pose.

"I don't do anything with it, Senpai," Haruhi replied saucily.

"Oh you little minx!" Grell stated audaciously, "You're such a tease!" he continued, touching Tamaki's hairless chest, with a single dainty, lacquered finger, and it was then that Haruhi realized, Grell was not referring to her. "Don't mind that flat-chested little imp, we'll think of something more fun to do!" Grell stated, pulling Tamaki, rather forcefully, away.

"DON'T HARRASS MY LITTLE GIRL!" Was Tamaki's final cry before he was dragged away to the darkness under The Table.

Meanwhile, Sebastian was presenting himself to Haruhi, in the most tasteful way, holding an attractive plate of Banana Foster in his sturdy hands.

"I have for, this evening, a delectable helping of Banana Foster, made with freshly picked bananas, all the way from Africa," Haruhi failed to believe that the small telling of the bananas was most definitely true, but how could she when she was unaware of the fact that Sebastian could travel to any part of the world within seconds without batting an eyelash? "A dash of the finest cinnamon, a worthy amount of brown sugar and smooth dark rum," Sebastian continued to explain the refined delicacies of this delicacy, and little did Haruhi know, that he didn't only fry the bananas in the rum like she had expected, like how you were supposed to, but he also added some atop it, all by itself, without alteration.

"Really? What recipe did you use?" Undies asked from the floor, a full pitcher of cooled rum held in his spindly, black-painter fingers.

"This one, of course!" Sebastian said enthusiastically, his hand swishing through the air to present Undies with the lovely, expertly filigreed piece of paper.

_BANANAS FOSTER_

_¼ cup (½ stick) butter_

_1 cup brown sugar_

_½ teaspoon cinnamon_

_¼ cup banana liqueur_

_4 bananas, cut in half_  
_lengthwise, then halved_

_¼ cup dark rum_

_4 scoops vanilla ice cream_

_Combine the butter, sugar, and cinnamon in a flambé pan or skillet. Place the pan over low heat either on an alcohol burner or on top of the stove, and cook, stirring, until the sugar dissolves. Stir in the banana liqueur, then place the bananas in the pan. When the banana sections soften and begin to brown, carefully add the rum. Continue to cook the sauce until the rum is hot, then tip the pan slightly to ignite the rum. When the flames subside, lift the bananas out of the pan and place four pieces over each portion of ice cream. Generously spoon warm sauce over the top of the ice cream and serve immediately_

"Oh, thank you!" Undies promptly took the piece paper, and without even glancing at it, stuffed it into his waiting gob.

Sebastian frowned at the happy smile now adorning the undertaker's face, "Well then… I hope it's to your liking," Sebastian turned to Haruhi, a smile curving up his face as he watched her consumption of the creamy, liquor tainted comestible, brushing off his shoulder in the direction of the affronting Undertaker.

"Yesh, ish, reealy gu," Haruhi replied sloppily, a banana squishing her words, and a bit of yellow cream squeezed past the corner of her tight lips.

"Allow me," Sebastian said, using his sturdy finger to wipe away the sticky cream from her pink skin.

"Oh, that's good," Haruhi squirmed, swallowing happily.

"Yes, I'm very skilled when it comes to such activities as this," Sebastian replied, plopping down beside her.

Haruhi's eyes were already becoming glazed by the effects of the strong rum on her tongue; oh what a rhyme! She really wasn't a drinker, but she was really enjoying the bananas drowning in rum. She shoveled more and more of the…

And, in the darkness under The Table, Tamaki was in the middle of concocting something outrageous with Grell. They were hunkered down, conspiring in intimate whispers that had Grell on the verge of combusting, their faces inches apart, hovering there, timid as butterflies. But Grell, he was anything but a butterfly, more like an aggressively greedy hummingbird, hovering!

Just waiting to attack. Anticipating the moment when he would finally be brave enough to slither his tongue down into this waiting flower.

"So, we hand her the bottle, but how do we get her to drink it? That's still an issue," Tamaki was as deep in thought as a drinking person could be.

"No! It's the perfect plan! We hand her the bottle, and then she'll drink it!" Grell squawked in annoyance.

"We hand her that bottle?" Tamaki asked stupidly.

"Yes, we hand her a bottle, she'ss…" Grell paused… it was a rather long pause… he paused for a very long time. "She'll be too dazed to figure it out," he finally finished.

"Figure what out?" Tamaki asked, probably because of the long pause.

"Whatever it is we're doing," Grell quickly whispered, then motioned for the blond boy to lean in a bit closer, "Afterwards, you must kiss me!" Grell shrieked throwing his arms around the blond boy's neck pulling him quite close. oh yes quiteclose!...

"AH! UNHAND ME, THE KING, YOU HEATHEN!" Tamaki yelled, struggling aimlessly as Grell puckered and began making kissy-noises, getting a bit sloppy and allowing some spit to escape with the obnoxious noises.

"Hey Boss, let's do – GAH!" Hikaru began, but was quickly snatched by the red-headed-lingerie-dressed lady who was extremely determined, apparently, to kiss… something.

"Oh! I can definitely take two at once!" Grell sing-songed and promptly planted a big wet one on Tamaki's… nose. "Dammit, I missed!" he whined.

"Hikaru! What's going – GAH!" Kaoru squeaked when he caught sight of the happenings beneath the table.

"Why don't I have more hands?!" Grell cackled, and lunged at the hunkered down twin, pulling the two men in his arms with him, landing, directly, on top of Kaoru. "Oh yes! My aim never fails!"

"AHHHH!" Kaoru squealed in agony.

"Oh yes, your scream turns me quite on! It sends my blood coursing! Directly to my –" Grell, blessedly, was cut off. :}

"Oh my God! What's that?! It's poking my leg! Oh MY GOD!" Kaoru screamed hysterically, knowing, without being told, exactly where Grell's blood was coursing to. "Hikaru! SAVE ME!" Kaoru pleaded of his, at present, squished brother.

"MMMMMRFFF," Hikaru promptly grunted from the confines of Grell's malodorous armpit, struggling, without success, to free himself.

"Don't worry! I'll be quite gentle with you, my little strawberry shortcake," Grell crooned.

Kaoru squeaked, his eyes wide, his mouth parted ever so slightly, which was a huge mistake on his part, because, in only a moment, between those lovely lips a tongue was shoved through.

"MMMHAA!" Kaoru gurgled in protest.

"Not quite the flower I was aiming for, but you know," Grell shrugged, pulling away for a moment, but soon returning to the delicate structure that was Kaoru's mouth. "Away from me you wriggling fiends!" Grell bellowed at the boy-toys squirming in his armpits, shoving them, quite forcefully, away from himself and the trapped specimen beneath him.

Kaoru flailed his arms, but his legs were too trapped to be of any use.

"KAORU!" Hikaru yelled, his voice carrying with the force of a battle cry, he righted himself quickly and charged, swooping in to save his younger brother.

With a quick and forceful kick to Grell's abdomen Kaoru was able to escape, his brother pulling him into his arms.

"Hikaru! I thought that was it… I thought I was gonna be raped!"

"Oh… com'n now… that wasn't… really necessary…. Was it? You… fiend!" Grell said, twitching on the ground like some mangy dog.

"Surely, you're not dumb enough to think you really would have gotten away with that, reaper… I wouldn't have allowed it," Sebastian growled from over where Haruhi was sitting, Haruhi's body swaying ever so slightly, a drop of drool tracing its way to her chin.

"Hehe… Ma," Haruhi let out, pointing to herself, using her Japanese to explain the fact that she is female (Ma=female), then erupted in a fit of giggles.

"Oh, goodness, if I had known she'd been such a lightweight, I wouldn't have used so much," Sebastian said annoyed, placing his sturdy fingers to his brow, his eyes closing elegantly.

"What! You gave her… SOMETHING!?" Tamaki inquired astounded.

"Yes, Bananas Foster, with extra rum. You seemed so set on making her drunk I decided to help out a bit, but it seems that she's already gone under," Sebastian frowned, but only slightly.

"Wait," Kaoru suddenly came out of his hysterical state, wiping his eyes quickly and shoving gently out of Hikaru's grasp. "Haruhi's…. Drunk?"

"Haru-chan is drunk?!"

"Haruhi's DRUNK?!" All the hosts, and Grell, harmonized.

All eyes turned to Haruhi who was currently situated comfortably on the couch, swaying from side to side, a very easygoing and oblivious expression adorning to her face, repeatedly stating: "Ma… Ma… Ma…"

Every boy in the room suddenly began grinning, their eyes igniting with mischief.

And at about this point, Mori returned to the living room, carrying with him the small, sleeping form of a kitten, "Hmm," Mori inquired, nodding once, "No place for kitty," then went on his way, to better play with the small ball of fluff… but not without a backward glance, wariness clouding his black eyes, but only for the briefest moment, nearly impossible to catch. But Sebastian saw.

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**NOTE! We require...some reviews. How about 5? Sound good? Yes? Ok. Love you! XOXO Gossip Gi - ... oh, I mean... LOVE YOU! LOVE LOVE! Kiss, kiss fall in love! So I don't know about you guys, but I really like watching video games like the one I'm watching right now, Majora's Mask, my brother is really good at these kinds of things and I really suck at them because I get so nervous that I forget which buttons do what, even on the stupid-proof old-school Nintendo 64 controllers, actually the only video games I'm good at are the SuperSmashBros ones and Mario Party and nobody ever wants to play those with me and I don't know why because they're totally awesome, so I never get to play them and suck at them now which is very depressing I think but you don't care about that, what you DO care about is t****he fact that yesterday I farted really loud and it stank real bad, so I started thinking back about what I had eaten that day so I wouldn't make the mistake of eating that before a class or something but I couldn't really remember what I had eaten because then I realized I was hungry and I decided that it didn't really matter anyway because if I farted that stinky and loud in class I could just take credit for it which would be better than just farting really loud all by myself because I'd actually be able to share such an awesome experience with a whole classroom full of people instead of my empty room! Now I really wish I knew what I ate yesterday so I could eat it again and make some fart-bombs to share with all the friends I haven't made in my classes so I could be all like 'Hey there dude, you don't really know me even though I sit right beside you and catch you staring at my non-awesomeness all the time, whats up? Do you fart sometimes?' and then pause so its all awkward and he'll maybe blush all embarrassed cause he thinks I smelt his farts then I'd go, I'd go 'Yeah, well I do sometimes too and this is one of them! I did that just for you, ya know? Cause I'm nice and stuff even though you think I'm a bitch because I put off kick-ass bitch-vibes all the time and that's why girls hate me, which is why I'm talking to you cause you're male and not a girl, so you'll like me cause I gave you that fart and I'm a girl with girly pieces and bits and stuff so lets be friends cause you sit right beside me and we can make children because you're a guy and I'm a girl and that's what happens when that happens and by the way did you know that lemon juice makes mozzarella not stringy?' then there's this other guy I wanna talk to really bad cause he has a BEAUTIFUL face that I'd really like to draw, maybe I'll give him my fart instead so we can conversate and be friends and make brownies and cookies and cakes together in a kitchen because I'm a kitchen princess, like that one manga, but really, a kitchen where we make stuff like food. And anyway, I'm gonna Hena it up now. Moomoodogfacebananapatch eat fish **  



	6. Chapter 6

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and MYSELF! **

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Chapter 6

A Lithe Supple Body

(STILL 'THE PREVIOUS NIGHT')

The kitten, so soft and alive, was very much enjoying the cream dripping from Mori's outstretched member. One small drip at a time, the kitten lapped it up greedily and attentively, making sure to leave no traces behind. When the dripping stopped, the kitten blinked its eyes to awareness and mewled quietly in protest.

"Yeah," Mori sighed in satisfaction, a small smile just barely touching his lips. "Here," Mori dipped his digit back into the cream and offered it to the waiting kitten.

"You know, a more efficient way of proceeding would be to simply –" Sebastian leaned over the crouching big man and took the bowl of cream from his hand. "Let the little beast have the bowl… Instead of dipping your finger in it," Sebastian smiled maliciously, his eyes strikingly red in the lighting, and almost seeming to glow… with what, exactly, Mori didn't know… perhaps, gentleness? Mori supposed this Sebastian character truly and honestly, from the bottom of warm heart, cared for the kitten.

"Right," Mori spoke, looking back down at the kitty; it was very happy at the moment, complete contentment radiating from its little body.

"Would you like for me to get you anything, Sir?" Sebastian asked formally, his right hand placed delicately over his left breast a small bow bending his lanky, lean, physique.

"Hmm?" Mori asked bewildered, wondering why this lovely man felt so compelled to serve him… and call him by such a name as 'sir', his name was Mori, not 'sir', you see. "I'm Mori," the big man felt compelled to say, as if the little matter of his name would lift Sebastian from the bog he seemed stuck in… The bog of confusion. The bog of helpfulness; that was Mori's bog. The bog of formality. The bog of masculine attractivity! The bog of delicacywithahintofmuskytant alysis, akin to some rare form of paralysis that caused someone to stare way to long, quizzically long, at another's face, examining pores and contours, highlights and darks, the way the light caught on hairs and made eyes glassy with shine, the way shadows contrived to distill character and outline form… The sort of paralysis Mori seemed to acquire when thinking way too hard; this was Mori's bog.

(PPRainwater is texting. And therefore not participating in the writing of this.)

(Oh shut up monkeypoo, you're hogging the keyboard and keep pissing at me! So I decided to allow you to ponder in your own little world and write as you please… seeing as how you're so pissy… but you did drink quite a bit of coffee… Perhaps you should go piss in a toilet like a normal person )

(I do enjoy your use of the word piss. It's so nice to hear that you're now paying attention to me instead of Mr. Kitty…-.- Why are you texting him anyway? The comment he left on the last chapter was… terrible, it made no sense! WHAT!? You want to leave!? You fart! Stuff a cork up your hole!)

(…. Schlampe…)

(…And now… She's taking a shit… Making shit cakes. Little shortbreads. In a happy toilet. And not paying any attention to this nonsense we should be writing. Her ass is more productive than her brain!)

So… Mori's bog. He couldn't stop staring.

And so. As the moments ticked by, Mori continued to stare, and Sebastian… began to stare as well. The business of staring was quite heavy in the air, intoxicatingly so. And with the pull of their stares came the pull of gravity, as they slowly gravitated towards each other.

"Nya~" the cat voiced, the tiny warble it uttered drew Mori from his bog, drawing him back to the present, the present where the bowl was now emptied of milk.

Then the cat pooped. It was sudden. Very sudden. Oh, so sudden. They didn't even have time react it was so sudden! ALL OF THE SUDDEN, the little kitty just hunched up, arching its back in a painful way, and… Squirt. There it was. Right on Sebastian's shoe.

"Well, that was rather sudden," Sebastian spoke nonchalantly, standing up straight, perhaps to get his nose farther away from the repugnant smell of the little bit of shit on his, otherwise unblemished, shoe.

As Sebastian left the room, most likely, to cleanse the filth from his, no longer shining, dress shoes there were other happenings happening in the other compartment of a room, furnished with babo-yeobo's.

"Ooh Godt, thas goot." Said a rather flushed – not to mention intoxicated – Tamaki.

"Oooooh.,.. Mur lurve… fur ur, ish sur, birg!" The attractive, red-haired transvestite gushed into the mouth of an upturned, empty wine bottle.

"KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE!" Tamaki screeched flailing his arms theatrically in the air, his eyes squinted in pure bliss, after the hearing of Grell's words. Why Grell's words were so pleasing to the blond bimbo was a complete mystery… even to Tamaki himself.

Then there was Haruhi, who was still situated on the couch, slurping at her own spit that seemed to have a mind of its own, slipping between her lips at times when she was least expecting it. The twins were watching her, intently. Their cat-like eyes glued to her innate form, empty bottles of spice rum and Gatorade littering their recliner and the floor surrounding the recliner.

"Kaoru, should we do something? Like, random? What should we dooooo?" Hikaru whined into his brother's ear, tossing aside a Gatorade bottle as he did so.

"Yeah, sure, random, and I shit rainbows when I cough," Kaoru said indifferently, hair splayed over his amber eyes, his posture poor against the leather recliner.

"Kaoruuu! Don't be mean! Du bist meine Lieblingsfarbe!" Hikaru whined once again, his voice morphing into more of a loving croon than that of a childish moan, as he wrapped his arms around his brother's waist, which was harder to do than he had thought, considering his brother's posture at the moment.

"HIKARU! YOU'RE NOT GERMAN!" Tamaki exclaimed passionately, both hands clenched, pressed firmly to his scrawny chest.

"Get off me!" Kaoru shoved at Hikaru's arms until his twin was forced to let go, then stood unsteadily, stumbling a few steps away to collapse onto a strategically placed futon, right next to Kyoya Ootori.

Kyoya looked toward the orange haired boy, his eyes igniting under his glasses with a look of death.

"OOOOO! That look! Stunning!" Grell squirmed uncontrollably, saliva flying from his fangs as his head moved with his thrashing body.

"How dare you," Kyoya growled, adjusting his glasses with a very long, stiff finger.

"O-oh… it's Hikaru's fault!" The drowsy boy exclaimed, pointing an accusing finger at his languid brother.

"That's no excuse, you punk," Kyoya explained devilishly, his eyes glaring with such ferocity, with such malice it about made the already trembling boy, piss himself silly.

"I-I-I-I-I-I'll move then!" he said in a fit of terror, trying to get away before his demon-like friend devoured him with that deathly gaze.

"I don't think so," Kyoya whispered in a breathy, crafty way, resembling that of a snake, waiting, very impatiently, to strike. His glasses caught the light, the brightness blasting into Kaoru's eyes, making the twin believe that this must be the end! He suddenly felt quite horrible for leaving Hikaru so abruptly, his guilt washing over him in waves of unpleasantness.

"I will enjoy this…" Kyoya breathed excitedly, his lips close to Kaoru's ear, his fingers just barely brushing against the soft skin of Kaoru's cheek, soft as feathers.

Kaoru could do absolutely nothing. His brain was excessively diluted, polluted really, with his vast consumption of rum and Gatorade, and for the life of him he couldn't figure any conceivable way out of this morbid situation.

"My goodness… that's quite a display," all heads in the room, turned towards a rather succulent sounding voice, a voice coated with honey, spilling from the lips of a heaven sent angel. His hair was like long stands of glistening silver, though obscured by the obscenity of a long top hat, which he soon removed, to bare for all to see, his porcelain face. The scar marring that celestial skin was even more prominent, and one could only imagine that an extremely jealous soul could inflict such a terrible thing upon the skin of such a gorgeous specimen. And, like his hat, his clothes soon followed after to the carpeted ground, where they crinkled in disdain at having to leave the body of such a scrumptious man. The only cloth that remained on this radiant being was that of black, clinging Hanes. His torso was smooth and obviously fit, perfectly chiseled lines delved into the beautiful skin of his abdomen. And even though he stood before all in only his undies, it didn't seem so strange a thing to everyone looking on, it seemed almost a natural thing for this angelic being to wear less than what was considered normal.

Then he opened his eyes.

Topaz gold infused with Peridot. Long, elegantly shaped eyes. The intensity of the gaze as powerful as a hunting lioness, and yet, within that power was the hinting of secrets, promising whispers of unknown tales. His smile was long, suggestively curved, the commissures of his lips completed that sensual line by delving softly into the contours of his cheeks.

"You may continue," He said, his voice seeming far off, like he had remained in heaven, his voice echoing down to them from the soft, fluffy bed of clouds, but his eyes watching them told everyone that he was, in fact, with them, right there in that inadequate room. "I don't mind watching where this leads," his smile grew, his voice drifted to the ears like a soft, gentle, smoky sigh, and the lie dissipated, revealing, with the growth of that smile, the soul-eater for which he was. The Undertaker had risen from beneath The Table, with a vengeance.

The awestruck looks of the boys soon flew away, just as the man's angel-like innocence had, all of their faces soon being molded into that of scared children.

"Oh please… don't mind me," The undertaker hissed in the most sensual of ways, his tongue swiping over his top lip hungrily, taking a few steps forward closing in on his frozen prey, reaching out a black clawed hand, his nails grazing the flesh of Kyoya's exposed neck, making Kyoya shiver in a most satisfying way.

"OH UNDIES! Ignore those human brutes and just come to meeeeee~." Grell bellowed excitedly, his cheeks flushed in excitement as he pounced towards his new target of interest.

"Heaven sakes, Grell, I don't have time for your repugnant, fan-girl obsessions; I'm much more interested in…" He looked back toward the couple situated on the futon, their eyes questioning as he stared at their figures in a longing manner, "These enticingly frail humans."

A moment passed where no one moved. Then a certain intoxicated female finally pulled herself out of her drooling stupor. Haruhi opened her big brown eyes, and they filled with the glorious image of the Undertaker's backside. A firm buttocks clothed by thin, black material, and in a moment of complete brainless-ness, she really wanted to squeeze that perky ass. Her eyes traveled up, taking in more of the luscious figure, admiring the curvature of his strong back, a deep crevasse accentuating the straight line of his spine.

She stood. Drawn by the inexplicable pull of that ivory skin, that beauty that seemed to pull at her in all the right places. A puppet with invisible thread, pulled by its master toward that man; his beauty akin to that of a statue crafted from marble by the hands of God, the details chiseled to utmost perfection.

She reached forth a hand, her fingers brushing the sides of his magnanimous torso, just dusting the ridges of ribs blanketed by knotted muscles, his skin cool against her heated touch. Her hands slowly found their way around his waist, her fingers continuing their warm dance over his skin. And he just stood there, as if in a trance, unaccustomed to touch such as this, so soft and sweet, her fingers seeming naïve to the actions that they'd committed.

The Undertaker, although wanting to respond, stood there, dazed. His lips were parted in awe, his hair falling over his features, a veil drawn over his eyes, as if shielding them from the rest of the world, wanting to experience this in privacy, away from all prying eyes as he felt Haruhi's cheek fall to rest on the muscled plane between his shoulder blades.

He turned his head, the hair whispering away from his eyes. His keen gaze now fraught with confusion. The girl's cheek, was warm, a soothing presence to his wrinkly, ancient, deteriorating heart, seeming to make it beat for the first time in eons. What was this sensation he felt deep inside his chest? It was something he had never felt before, something foreign, otherworldly. A Grinch to affection, he was.

He blinked then, causing him to stumble from his afore mentioned trance, the bog that sent him questioning his sexual orientation. He thought he was only interested in the dead, bodies no longer living, cold, lifeless, white, decaying things, but here he stood, a warm, living thing pressed against him. This girl might have been the first body he had not wished were dead, that he didn't want to stuff into a box under the ground. He enjoyed the warm touch, her life seeming to seep into his pores, into his very being, his soul even… even though he probably didn't have one, because he's a reaper… a soul eater sort of person thing. Yes.

He didn't have any idea what to do. Should he push the girl away? No, obviously, he should take advantage of this moment, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Haruhi?" Hikaru was the first to break the silence, his small question barely an audible whisper, but in that pall of silence, it seemed to jolt everyone to their – although idiotic – senses.

"The alcohol!" Grell screamed from his awkward position on the floor… how he had gotten there, nobody really knew, not like anyone really cared… even if he was decked out in skanky lingerie. Truth be told, none of the boys were really that interested, or even curious, seeing as how, under the silky red cloth, they all had the same junk. "Oooh! The alcohol!"

And as everyone was distracted by the wailing bloody mess on the floor, Undertaker somehow managed to swoop Haruhi into his [insert adjective here] arms, and take off down the hall!

"HARUHI!" and when she didn't respond. "DON'T YOU IGNORE DADDY!" Tamaki sprung up from his own position on the floor… and how he had gotten there, no one knew either… and dashed, as best he could, toward the hall. Which he completely missed, ramming straight into the wall.

Sebastian and Mori sat in the other room together, the cat asleep on the table between them. They stared at each other and Mori couldn't help but feel that Sebastian, with his striking red eyes, was staring into his very soul. He thought it was strange, that someone he hadn't known for very long could look at him with such understanding.

"What do you want Mori?" Sebastian asked, his eyes flashing with a quick magenta shine, as he glanced up at Mori, then back to the cat.

Mori looked at the man in front of him. As if seeing him for the first time. The gentle giant's steady gaze studied Sebastian intensely, searching for something: What made this man so different from every other person he had met? And what made him so curious, curious enough to want to know Mori's desires? Was it safe to tell him?

A few months earlier, a boat off the English Bay, out a bit farther than what was normal for this season, had begun reeling in their nets. The loot heavier than usual. All became excited, hoping for a huge haul, but everything was a bit out of the ordinary today, and although the haul was quite large, it wasn't the fish they had been hoping for.

A large, strange piece of, what looked like, intertwined teal coral rested next to the few slimy, flopping fish they had managed to catch. As they inspected the alien object, unbeknownst to them, they were being watched by someone to whom the object was not so alien. A black cat watched as the fishermen touched and probed at the strange treasure, the cat's blue eyes gleaming as he listened to them talk about returning to London right away. The cat knew, however, that they would not be returning at all.

* * *

**NOTE: I guess 5 reviews... but nobody likes us enough for that! You terrible human beings who don't comment! I'd stuff brownies in your shoes if I could!**** EAT SOME DANGO! das ist alles.  
**


	7. Chapter 7

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself! **

* * *

Chapter 7

Oh! My Goddess

(STILL THE PREVIOUS NIGHT!)

The banging was loud. Really loud. So loud it was hurting their ears, causing the girl to moan in pain, a bit. But just a bit.

"Does it hurt?" Undies asked gently, the banging ceasing, but for only a moment.

"A little," Haruhi replied, blushing as the Undertaker lightly brushed her cheek, his finger rubbing against it in an endearing way.

The banging continued. Just as roughly as before, ferociously loud and sadistic.

"Ow stop! Please stop!" Haruhi cried in agony, her cries barely audible with all the noise.

"I don't think I can stop it," the Undertaker whimpered in utmost defeat.

And so, the banging continued on. And on. And on, and on, and on. Bang, bang… Bang. Then, a final, really big, BANG. And with that, it all came in, the surrounding walls taking most of the damage as the entrance pretty much exploded with the force of that final bang.

They were all piled up on top of each other. Honey's face on Tamaki's bum and the twins entangled so terribly they weren't sure where which hand or other appendage belonged to who.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH MY LITTLE GIRL!?" Tamaki screamed from his place on the floor, looking at Haruhi and the Undertaker.

The Undertaker sat, his bum-bum placed firmly in the confinements of a chair, his black Hanes still the only clothes he wore at present, besides the Haruhi seated in his lap. Their faces the picture of horrified surprise, both pairs of hands were placed over Haruhi's ears.

"Tama-chan…" Honey groaned from the direction of Tamaki's butt. "Did you fart?"

Tamaki's face was priceless at that moment, turning a bright shade of red transitioning into purple.

"No! I'm the king! Kings don't… pass gas," Tamaki said, with utmost mortification.

(Lips like sugarrrrr! Sugar kisseeeeeehs!... Noona neomu yeppeo… Ring ding dong, ring ding dong, ring diggi diggi diggi diggi ding ding ding…. Music… yes.)

(-.-)

"Oh god yes!" Grell waltzed into the room. "Hold me! You beautiful man!" and he promptly glided over to the Undertaker and Haruhi, and tossed Haruhi to the floor then seated himself in Undies lap.

(I really wanna buy metal chapsticks…chopsticks)

(-.-)

"Sometimes, when I'm alone, I like to obsessively eat toilet paper."

"Yeah, me too,"

Two hobos outside of the apartment agreed, nodding.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kyoya, the cool, asked all too coolly as he forced his spectacles up the elegant bridge of his elegant nose, his face contorted into an elegant, questioning stare.

"Quick! Fetch the toilet paper!" Tamaki stood abruptly, causing Honey's head to collide with the floor.

"Toilet paper?" Hikaru asked, pulling his face away from his brother's partially exposed chest.

"Boss?" Kaoru asked, his voice little more than a sigh.

"Yes! The toilet paper, you idiots! Don't you understand!?" He screeched all too kingly.

"I'm gonna throw up…" Haruhi swooned happily, then closed her eyes as she rolled around on the floor, sighing in complete contentment. Then she proceeded to belch very loudly.

"Well, my my… goodness sakes. My goodness." The Undertaker mused, swaying slightly with the burden of Grell's weight.

It was a lovely little display of whatever it was, no one could really say for sure, but it was lovely, that's for sure. That is, until everyone noticed the atrocity transpiring before their eyes, Undies was back, it seemed, in all his hideous glory, clinging to a lovely little Grell while gazing upon the lovely little Haruhi who was currently preoccupied with her drunk induced stupor.

"Oh finally, he has returned to his repugnant self!" Grell cried in ecstasy.

And as Grell screeched in that pleasured way, no one took notice of the wobbling Haruhi, who had begun to make her way out the door of the bedroom, Beatrum. Because you see, Beatrum, everyone was so preoccupied with trying to figure out what Tamaki could possibly mean by 'fetch the toilet paper' and Undies was too far gone, back into his normal idiocy, to notice anything really… so Haruhi, the wafer thin, flat chested, pale creature wobbled happily from the room, muttering to herself about toilets and their various uses.

As she found herself in the living room – as if she had left herself there or something -, she began to take notice of the many drops of sweat protruding from her pores onto her delicately lotioned skin. So, in hopes of ceasing her pores of such wasteful disposal, she tore off her dress in utter rejection. It was a hard and tedious task, ridding herself of such affronting apparel, but she managed it, and proceeded to fling the red dress in the direction of the hallway. She felt so much more free, in only her thin slip and panties, it was its own kind of delight; sparsely dressed delight! A-la-carte!

"Haruhi!" Kaoru cried, just as he realized Haruhi had left the vicinities.

So, with the swiftness of a cat, he sprinted off, down the hall, towards Haruhi, towards the living room, towards the destination he strived for. He sprinted until he was there, next to Haruhi, well, more or less. He had actually ran right in to her, rather harshly, causing the small maiden to fall over, hitting her head against the sofa with a low _pfff_.

"Kaoru! What have you done to Haruhi!" Tamaki cried from the hallway, lifting her discarded dress from the floor as if it were a delicate flower… A flower heedlessly castoff, unwanted, forgotten… _how could she?_

"Ohhhh! That dress! I really must try it on!" Grell crooned next to Tamaki's ear, and snatched the dress from him, leaving the king to stare at his now empty hands.

_My flower has been taken from me… _Tamaki thought idiotically to himself, a deep, symbolic play began taking place in the theater of his mind. Alas, his blond head was far too blundering and blubbery to be anything but utter sap at the moment, and he had completely forgotten about the real Haruhi, who was currently lying on the floor, in a useless heap of sweat and drool, Kaoru hovering over her, trying desperately to see if she were alright without actually touching her. She was dressed far too sparsely for touching to be seemly.

Then, abruptly, Hikaru entered the room, sprinting into the room and shoving his twin aside to get a better look at the unconscious damsel.

"Haruhi?" Hikaru implored, but he was unable to ask much more, because as his face got increasingly closer to hers she was obviously not completely gone from the world, because her arms sprung up, like hungry baby birds, the pale appendages wrapping about his neck tightly. And he lost his balance and would've quite nearly crushed her if he had not reacted as quickly as he did, his arms braced against the carpet of the floor, his face inches from hers, her arms a soft vice about his neck, forcing him closer; a proximity he couldn't find in himself to dislike.

His eyes blinked in surprise, as he couldn't help but notice the subtle, pleased smile adorning the small woman's face, her lips looking quite satisfying and all too delicious at that moment. He felt it then, the blush creeping up his neck, desperate to take over the contours of his astonished face. This, of course, transpired in only a matter of seconds, but to Hikaru, it seemed an eternity, though perhaps a short eternity, in which he hadn't the state of mind to do anything but look upon the girl beneath him. How long had it been? Since when had he forgotten the effect this flat-chested, once-boyish girl had on him, and he was struck again by the oddity it was, that this particular female could cause him to lose his head with just the hint of a smile.

And High School began all over again, at least it did for Hikaru, in his heart anyway. _Doki… Doki-doki. _

"What are you doing?" Kaoru asked, gently prying Haruhi's loose grip off Hikaru's neck.

Hikaru immediately moved a small space away, muttering about being hot and drinking too much and removed his shirt saying something about it choking him, which Kaoru found rather silly, and narrowed his eyes at his twin, finding confusion etched upon his brother's brow.

"Careful," Kaoru leaned toward his twin and placed a finger upon Hikaru's brow. "You'll get wrinkles if you keep that up, and I can't have that happening," Kaoru smiled sweetly when his gentle touch took its effect and Hikaru seemed to calm down.

A moment passed when nothing really happened. Then Grell burst into the room wearing Haruhi's dress and chaos ensued for a few breathless moments. Then, suddenly, everyone seemed to give in to the more calming effects of alcohol, and they all fell asleep, cuddled on the floor of the living room.

Mori and Sebastian entered the room only moments later, both wearing scrumptious suits, both resembling that of attractive butlers.

"I suppose no one shall be joining us," Sebastian spoke drolly, lifting his pretty little teacup from its saucer and placing the porcelain to his soft lips.

Mori allowed a suggestion of a smile to take residence on his face as he surveyed the room, until his dark eyes caught and held to the form of the small blond boy, at which point the hint of a smile faded abruptly.

**(RESUME, THE MORNING AFTER…)**

As Mori began cooking the eggs he had been stirring moments before, Sebastian took notice of the girl, collapsed in the doorway.

"My, my, what a mess you've managed to make of yourself," Sebastian said indifferently, seeming to look upon such a scene as this before, perhaps many times in the past. Always so many messes. So many things needing to be cleaned, disposed of, repaired, redeemed even, for that was the job of a butler. To clean things, dispose of things, repair things, redeem things even, that was Sebastian's job. And so, with little hesitation, he went to the girl-in-a-messy-heap and began the task of cleansing the area… and the girl. "Mori, please excuse my absence, I will attend to _Gujil-gujil_," Sebastian spoke curtly, then left the room with the girl in his arms.

Mori, however, had no idea what a _Gujil-gujil _was, seeing as how he was, in fact, Japanese, and not, in fact, Korean. He thought that Sebastian, perhaps, was just confused, so Mori decided to mentally forgive him of such a terrible mistake. Seeing as how Sebastian was, in fact, English, Mori suspected that he was another of those people who couldn't tell the difference in Asian attributes; one of those simple-minded blokes who thought all Asians looked the same, when, in fact, they didn't, not at all really. So, with the pale man forgiven, mentally, Mori went back to his cooking of the eggs, undaunted, unaffected, as was his way.

"Oh, you do so remind me of my late master." Sebastian said calmly, his eyes shown like blank abysses, his face lax of all emotion as he tended to the messy body of Haruhi; in Haruhi's own courters, of course, for he intended to dress her.

As Sebastian finished the cleansing of the girl, he looked at her again, holding her wrist in his gloved hand, studying her own hands with much interest, seeming so intrigued by the pale skin.

"It's remarkable… you must be the reincarnation of my master. The resemblance is too canny, as if the universe would enjoy playing a trick on me," he smiled at the thought, then proceeded to look for a nice comfortable pair of pants she might wear, and a t-shirt.

He approached the bed that she laid upon, prepared to remove her soiled clothing(s).

(THE CLOTHINGS BEATRUM!)

(^.^)

As he set the pants and the t-shirt onto the end of bed a certain black shadow entered through the door. Sebastian didn't mind it, sensing the presence to be only the lithe, supple body of the black cat.

But he did cease his movement as something unexpected happened, something so surreal it even boggled the mind of the demon. His eyes began to glow red with the sudden condescending tone coming from beside the bed. His head slowly turned and looked down at the cat, the black cat with big sapphire eyes, a fanged smile stretching its feline face.

"Really now Sebastian, are you so weak now that the universe daunts you? It's been far too long since you've devoured a soul hasn't it? Especially since you were never to eat mine, besides, from what I can tell, you're far too easily tricked to begin with," how cold, how cruel the voice was, the voice that belonged to the cat, the once beloved…

"Master," Sebastian whispered breathlessly, his eyes wide in shock, his face even paler than usual.

"Yes, you finally caught on," The cat said almost amusingly, jumping onto the bed with perfect grace, "I'm disappointed in you Sebastian. Really, I thought _you_ were supposed to be clever, deceiving one. You've been a demon much longer than I, are you so diminished?"

Sebastian simply stared. Seemingly unable to move, he could only watch as the cat inspected Haruhi, then looked back to him with those cool sapphire eyes.

"That big man… Strange," the cat purred. "I like him too. His soul seems so… pure, untainted. Delicious even," the cat grinned, then cast his eyes back on the girl. "But I must ask Sebastian, this girl, she looks an awful lot like me, have you missed me, since my supposed demised? So much that you're catering to her now? Without even the glimmer of hope that you'll receive anything in return? I know why Grell spoke to her last night, wouldn't you like to know too…" the cat then flawlessly leapt to the floor and made his leisurely way to the door, then paused, his tail swishing to and fro as he turned his grinning face back to the pale man. "Another thing, tell no one of my identity… that's an order, Sebastian," his voice alone was a command.

"Yes… Master," Sebastian bowed, his hand on his left breast, raising his eyes at the last instant to watch the little black cat strut formidably out the door and down the hall.

….

Haruhi… her eyes sparkled, an almost hesitant look resting on her perfect visage. He could barely look at her without being brought to his knees with how womanly she looked, since when had his little girl grown into such a beautiful lady? She sat before him, shyness overtaking her every movement; from her downcast brown eyes, to her fingers, gloved in satiny lace, just barely grazing the exposed skin above her small breasts _(oh to be the glove on that hand!)_, as if her fingers could calm the fluttering of her frantic heart caged within her chest, which swelled with every little intake of breath. Her soft cheeks were decorated with the excitement of passion as she mentally prepared herself for what was next to come. To come… TO CUM, TO CUM, TOCUM!

The entirety of Tamaki's being was flustered… yes, in more ways, in more places, than one. His feathers were all in a ruffle.

He stood before his Venus, his excitement was… obviously noticeable… though contained within the gauzy fabric of his Pharaoh's kilt. Golden sandals adorned his feet, golden arm-bands clasped around each of his biceps, arm-bands that were often bestowed upon slaves, for he was a slave to his goddess.

"Sempai… you're making me nervous," Haruhi blushed prettily as she glanced at, then away from Tamaki.

"And why's that, my princess?" Tamaki asked, his voice a soft, tender caress, causing Haruhi to shiver, as he took a step closer. His eyes shown with such adoration, his love fully displayed in the warmth he imparted upon his little princess.

"You're just standing there watching me… it's embarrassing," Haruhi coyly hid her shy smile behind her gloved fingers.

"Oh, then I should come closer shouldn't I?" and he did. The closer he got the more excited he became!

"Mmm," Haruhi grunted softly, as Tamaki's hand traveled the length of her thigh, to her hip, then up to her…

"Tamaki," Haruhi's deep voice caressed Tamaki's ears… deep? He stopped, taking a quick glance at Haruhi's face… and found Mori's black eyes staring back at him, and he bolted upright, breathing rapidly, sweat clinging to his immaculate forehead, and a certain problem sprouting from his nether-regions. "You should take care of that…" Mori mused, indicating _the problem_ at hand.

"Ah… yes," Tamaki stuttered turning about 50 shades of… red.

So he was off, speed walking to the restroom where he could better tend to his _problem _when he took notice of the happenings in a room, Haruhi's room to be exact. He halted, creeping towards the bedroom door, peeking through the crack, just big enough for a small animal to fit through, and just big enough for Tamaki to see the happenings inside the room clearly. And the happenings were that of that shady-butler-man tucking in his, Tamaki's, goddess.

Mori was in the other room, however, shaking all of the sleeping boys to wakefulness, for after all it was the morning and breakfast was ready and waiting, but first he would have to remind all of them to take care of all of their _problems._

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**NOTE: To all you lovely people who read this, 6 reviews are required for us to continue this... this thing. PP gets bored very easily, she needs your generous encouragement and also about 2 mocha frappe's in order to barf up half of this stuff. Just so you know. She's depleting my savings. Also, when your out driving, I caution you to pay attention to the road, and if you happen to notice a cat having a lovely afternoon crossing the road, you should maybe stop... or at least slow down so you don't run it over. Because, I think sometimes that cats consider cars an extension of their caring masters who spoil the living crap outa them, and because of this, they assume cars won't hurt them. This belief caused the demise of Scar-face. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself!**

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Chapter 8

I Never…

"I'm worried," Tamaki stated in a worried kind of way, his eyes gazing out the tinted window of the limo, his lavender eyes shown with uneasiness, his hand placed over his mouth worriedly.

"Oh, don't worry Tama-chan! Kaoru said it'll be fun!" Honey said encouragingly as he squeezed his most loved object in the whole wide world! It was his icing to his cupcake, the chocolate in his cookie, the Taemin to his Minho! That was Honey's Usa-chan!

"I'm so excited!" Kaoru finally burst, his excitement being forced to bottle itself in the innermost depths of his body for the entire day. He had been looking forward to this excursion ever since they had found themselves in the American airport.

"Excited in more ways than one, I suspect." Kyoya pointed out insightfully.

"I've been anticipating this moment for… EVER!" Kaoru squealed, and grabbed Hikaru's arm, wiggling against it in his uncontainable bliss.

"Kaoru… You're ruining my mood," Hikaru drawled, and attempted to extricate his arm from Kaoru's feverish grip.

"Mood?" Kaoru inquired innocently.

"Yes,"

"OH! If you need someone to hang onto just hold me!" Grell squealed fangirlistcally, shimmying his way towards Kaoru, throwing his arms about the boy's neck in a pedophilic way.

"LET GO OF ME YOU TRANNY!" Kaoru called out demandingly, his arms flexing in an alluring way as he tried to pry the man off of him, but, little did Kaoru know, that this man/woman was a reaper, therefore much stronger than any mortal being.

"Not until you give me a big kiss! With tongue!" Grell negotiated, puckering his lips after licking them thoroughly, preparing the pink skin for their descending attack. And he would've been successful had Hikaru not been sitting right next to his brother, who was somehow able to snatch his twin away when Grell closed his piercing green eyes.

"We're here." Mori stated indifferently a few seconds after the limo had pulled to a stop.

"So… remind me why we're allowing Haruhi to accompany us to a burlesque club." Hikaru asked wonderingly.

All eyes turned to Haruhi then, who wore a wig, and boy's clothes, none of the men wanting any of the other men to take interest in their perfect flower.

"Because, Daddy couldn't just leave her at the apartment!" Tamaki was quick to defend his reasoning, which was bogus.

Besides, Tamaki knew that Haruhi didn't like women… at least he thought she didn't. But wasn't it Haruhi who said that sex shouldn't matter, that it was the inside that counts? Haruhi's probably bi. If you think about it.

"She does make such a beautiful boy!" Grell announced happily, inspecting Haruhi at every angle he could manage.

"Shouldn't we be getting out of this car now?" Haruhi asked, disinterest apparent in her blank expression. She wasn't particularly excited about this outing, but Honey had said there would be food, and Kaoru had already had her outfit ready… and Tamaki had been adamant about her coming; so she had had little choice in the matter. Anyway, she was ready to get inside where the food was, it seemed like a pretty high-class place so she was hoping they'd have fancy tuna at least.

Once they entered the front door they began to descend down a red carpeted ramp, the walls around them black accented with red tapestries, the lighting dim, sensual, which only made Kaoru's condition become even more evident. Kaoru was very excited, practically frolicking down the ramp to their destination, unable to contain himself… in more ways than one. Frothing at the bit!

"Ok boys… Welcome to _Black Lace_," Kyoya announced before pushing aside the red curtain at the end of the line. Fog raced past the curtain and swarmed around their ankles as they continued into the mystic room, their eyes adjusting slowly to the dim, purple-hued room.

"Wow! Look at that spread!" Haruhi called out blissfully, immediately running towards the buffet, not even glancing toward the main attraction.

The main attraction. A spectacular display. Honey was quite entranced, enthralled even; he was quite unable to tear his eyes off of the scene taking place in front of him.

"Oh my God," Honey said in a low whisper, his voice not sounding so childish all of sudden.

"She has skills," Mori lets out in seemingly impressed monotone.

"I'd tap that," The Undertaker says coolly, his head nodding a few times, biting his bottom lip happily.

"Kaoru hasn't tried that move yet," Hikaru said indifferently as his eyes trailed after Haruhi.

"Girls can do that!?" Kaoru stuttered, his jaw dropping about to his knees and his cheeks taking on a bright pink hue.

Tamaki, standing near the back of the group, promptly fell backward, fainting at the first sight of the sparingly dressed, dancing women.

Kyoya signaled for some men, dressed all in black, to tend to Tamaki's unconscious state. Sebastian, the only man seeming utterly uninterested with the dancing women watched Kyoya closely, suspicion rising in him at how obedient the men working here followed the bespectacled man's orders.

The king was carried to a posh red couch, quite near the stage, the other hosts ambling on behind the black-clad men. All of the hosts, exempting Hikaru who was still watching Haruhi, were still transfixed by the dancing women. Hence the ambling.

Everyone's attention, even Hikaru's, was soon transfixed on an even more alluring sight. Haninozuka, a boy of once 4 feet and 9 inches tall had, in a matter seconds, bloomed into a man of 5 feet and 11 inches, an inch taller than the twins, yet two inches shorter than Tamaki.

"Mitsukuni?" Mori asked of the tall, handsome figure standing at his side.

"Takashi," Honey's voice was tainted with masculinity, a tantalizing reverberation, a sensual resonance mingling with the light music accompanying the dancers. "Go get me a drink," he spoke without inflection, a sound and definite command.

Mori almost flinched at the seemingly harsh tone of his beloved friend's voice, the command ripping at someplace deep within him. But, nevertheless, he turned toward the buffet, turning again to his friend only to ask: "And cake?" in his monotonous way, as if this command weren't a surprise at all, as if nothing could sting him.

"Cake is for children. I won't have any," Honey replied curtly, and sat down on the couch next to Tamaki. And at this, the host's eyes widened in horror, and Mori said nothing, only turned away, toward the buffet, and when he was sure no one could see his face, he frowned in dismay.

Hikaru followed soon after Mori had made his departure, seeing as Haruhi was still staring aghast at the plethora of comestibles on the buffet, where she was… currently. He wanted to be there. Where she was. Currently.

A rather pretty woman, Sebastian noticed, was on the stage, and she couldn't seem to remove her heated gaze from Sebastian's scrumptious physic. He might have been more interested in her if her soul didn't appear to be so grotesquely spoiled. Actually, now that he thought about it, for an inkling of a moment, all of the girls here had rather unappetizingly withered, slimy souls, all, but one. He couldn't see her, he sensed her, that's how potently eccentric her soul was and would be.

And from the curtains behind the stage she came, in all her glory, the auburn haired maiden, attired in sultry, summer lingerie. She danced crazily, her wide hips and large breasts shaking in a rhythmic, sensual way, causing every man's eye to widen in hopes of seeing more of this voluptuous goddess. However, Sebastian only had one thing on his mind. He wanted her badly. He wanted to rip and tear her to pieces in the most delicious of ways. As he eyed her with lust gleaming from his demonic blood, red eyes, she saw him, her eyes gleaming back, almost seeming to answer his call. She smiled wickedly at him, only causing him to smirk back.

How she was different from the other women to make her soul seem so decadent, saucy, and utterly perfect was beyond Sebastian's recollection, but alas, he did not care. All he wanted was her soul itself, he needed not the reasons for her soul's immaculate flavor.

Once her dance was finished, her body pressed sensually against a pole's metal frame, Sebastian took his queue, and moved in for the kill… soon to be quite literal. He sat down on one of the red-velvet sofa's, which had gold legs and a gold crown and he motioned for her to join him. Many other men did so as well, but in the end she was the one who had to decide and she only had eyes for the demon.

She walked leisurely towards him, making him wait, her every step a testament of the control she had over the situation. Sebastian knew otherwise. She held grace in every step she took. Her skin was golden, glistening with health, her shoulders and delicate face accented with natural and lovely dark, golden flecks. Some would think them to be imperfections, but Sebastian knew that they were kisses from angels, as many myths go. Her eyes were like honey, dark and sweet. Her nose was small and button-like. He legs were long and leanly muscled, Sebastian swore they went on for days! And her lovely torso, soft yet toned, a small chain with a jewel dangling at the end was bestowed upon the hole humans call a navel; and that torso also held breasts, lovely breasts, D sized breasts, even a few freckles were lovingly situated on the top of those plush, pillowy bosoms… oh, those devilish angels.

As she finally made her way to him, she sat down, elegantly beside him, leaving a whole foot between them. Sebastian smiled, his eyes staring intently into hers, as if her glorious body were an afterthought, like he did only care for her… or her soul.

"I'm pleased to see the earth is still graced with such elegance as yourself," He said smoothly, not a hint of nervousness or even false praise detected in his soothingly low voice.

"My, my, I didn't think gentlemen came to such places as these… or even existed for that matter." She said, her voice as smooth as the honey color of her skin.

Sebastian smirked evilly, "Oh, I assure you, I am in no way a gentleman… now then, should I get you something to drink?"

The girl smiled at him amusingly, as he bowed to her.

"No thanks, I'd much rather serve you… what do you want me to do?" She asked him, unashamed of her work and perfectly happy to please him in any way she was able, any way he desired.

This was a change for Sebastian. He had lived his entire existence as a human serving other people, that's why he became a human, to be a butler, to serve his master. This change of events was rather daunting to the raven-haired man. And what beautiful hair he did have!

"Well," Sebastian began happily, "I want you, in me," he finished seductively, leaning in closer to her ever so slightly, as if he were telling a great secret, a small smile turning up the corner of his ravenous mouth. He awaited her answer in eager anticipation, knowing she would interpret his words differently from what he truly wanted.

"That's a little kinky," she replied smiling back, only seeming more pleased with his wishes, "But I think that should be reserved for a separate chamber," She informed sensually, also bringing her face closer to his, truly seeming to want to fulfill his wishes.

"Then what shall we do?" Sebastian asked as if this were a true problem.

"My _master _has rooms in the back for such an occasion as this," She told him, an actual shiver running down Sebastian's spine at her lips producing the word _master._

"We should acquire one of these rooms, shouldn't we?" Sebastian asked, suddenly feeling anxious, hungry.

He had been hungry far too long, but it was only now that he realized he was famished.

"Of course." She answered back, already standing, also seeming a bit restless.

He suspected that she was never really excited to go to one of these private chambers with a man, but he was no man, and even if she wasn't aware of this, she soon would be.

Sebastian grabbed her wrist gently as she began to walk away, her eyes shooting towards him in a questioning, passionate stare.

"Also, call _me _master," Sebastian breathed, then brought her hand to his lips, adorning the skin there with a tender kiss, allowing his heated breath to dance across her skin. Then he allowed her to slip away, through his fingers, and he knew she would hurry back.

…

"Haruhi, be careful, you're going to puke if you eat all that…" Hikaru cautioned timidly, knowing that telling Haruhi to be careful about eating too much was never a smart idea.

"Shut up you hag!" Haruhi screamed, sending a small spray of spit and chocolate cream in Hikaru's direction, then stuffed another chocolate éclair into her, mostly, vacuous mouth.

Hikaru sat back against the cushions of the red couch, sighing in defeat, looking towards his brother who was currently being swarmed by five or so young ladies, his hands still in his pants, where it had been since they had arrived here. Hikaru breathed through clenched teeth as he watched Kaoru's cheeks blossom a rosy shade as his eyes rolled just a bit, then he was back at it. One lady was playing with his fox-red hair, another was whispering into his ear – and possibly licking it, Hikaru couldn't tell – another had his feet in her lap, and the smallest one, Hikaru noticed, kept trying to either get him to let her pull his shirt up or maybe let her get in his pants and help him out… and then there were the two that had brought over drinks and food who kept hanging around, trying to get in on the fun.

"God…" Hikaru sighed in annoyance, then looked back at Haruhi and wondered for the umpteenth time why he was so fixated on this woman when he could have ten other ones right now, all of which more woman than she was. But he grinned, then leaned over and wiped a bit of cream and chocolate off the corner of her mouth, and she looked over and smiled at him, her cheeks bulging with whatever she had managed to stuff inside. "Just eat slower, it's not going to run away, you know," he smirked, then stood, intending to go stop his brother from consuming more alcohol.

Kaoru smiled widely when Hikaru approached, but didn't stop what he was oh so obviously doing, his belt unbuckled, his pants unzipped for better access.

Hikaru raised an eyebrow, then, without a second thought, shoved the girls whispering in Kaoru's ear aside and plopped down by his brother, two different girls situating themselves next to him, waiting for an invitation.

"You know, if you keep fapping so much, you're going to go blind in the next two years," Hikaru stated blandly, the girls around him all giggling and hitting him playfully… in several places.

"That's just silly, masturbating is very healthy," one of the girls said as she began trailing her hand up the elder twin's thigh, which he watched for a moment, seemingly unaffected by the suggestive gesture, then brought his harsh golden eyes to the girl's own, as if daring her to continue. She didn't.

Hikaru nodded, as if knowing the woman would have stopped, then slowly let his gaze retreat back to his brother, who was still going at it.

"You're disgusting," Hikaru spoke softly, right into Kaoru's ear, his voice filled to the brim with adoration, a gentle tease fluttering against the skin of Kaoru's ear. And Kaoru nearly moaned, but quickly reined himself in. Then he felt the couch cushion shift as his brother stood to leave.

"Wait... Hikaru…" Kaoru let the words slip between his lips in a pained gasp; his brother's words had cut deep.

"Ahhhh~" the girls around Kaoru swooned at, what seemed to be, brotherly love taking place before them.

"Are they lovers or something?" one girl asked in a breathless manner.

All of them seemed unaware of the real effect Hikaru's words had taken on Kaoru. He zipped up his pants, in shame of the way his brother thought of him.

"Oh no," Hikaru spoke as he turned, gracefully, around, a hand running through his hair dreamily. "We're much more than that," then he continued his trek back to Haruhi, smiling to himself, pleased to leave a trail of gushing girls behind him. Ah yes, Hikaru had returned to his high school years, host club and all.

Mori sat alone in a corner, by himself, he was alone, only himself to accompany himself… he had only himself for company… Himself and the floor, for he knew that if he were to come in contact with anything, other than himself and the floor, it would be disastrous.

His eyes traveled in the direction of his Honey, Haninozuka, who sat on a couch, not by himself, not alone, he had others for company, women, to be exact. With big bosoms, to be exact. And one with a rather large ass to be exact.

"Mori likes asses," Mori said to himself then dropped his head into his hands. "I… Never…" the rest of his words were lost to his palms.

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**NOTE! Well... obviously, we didn't wait for your reviews to get this one up. But anyways, for the next one we're expecting at least 6 reviews from you lovely people. Thank you! And goodnight!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Collaboration between Rainwater and myself... **

**ALSO! ****WARNING**** TO THOSE OF UNCORRUPTED, INNOCENT BRAINS... This... is a rather raunchy ordeal, this chapter. So um, yeah. **

**RATED FREAKING !M! ;]**

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Chapter 9

Yeuuuussss…

Then the lady returned, an elegant key dangled from her elegant fingers, suspended on an elegant red ribbon.

"This way… master." She said casually, not effected by the new name she had to call this demon man, for to her, this was the only name she knew him by.

Sebastian rose from his couch cushion, a smile playing at his lips.

And to the room they went. It was down a hall, that room, a dimly lit hall, because everything seemed to be dimly lit in this place! In fact the room wasn't lit at all; there was no light, much better for the imagination. That is, until the lady turned the lights on, the lights very… dim. The dimness of the room did not surprise Sebastian, not in the least, he expected it, the dimness, in fact.

She shut the door, looking at Sebastian slyly, "So… you want me in you, right?" She asked humorously.

"In a manner of speaking, yes." Sebastian replied, prowling towards her in a dominant, intimidating way, causing her to take steps back, towards the bed, just as he wanted.

Now, this lady's gentleman seemed to transform before her eyes, in the most enticing manner, taking on the attributes of a great hunting cat. His eyes seemed to pierce through her very being as he came, slowly, ever closer; his every movement causing her veins to rush with a form of adrenaline that she didn't expect in this kind of familiar situation, anticipation igniting her nerves with a sharp keenness. She was eager, and the evidence of this rose as a pink flush on her golden skin, so eager to please this man she was to call master.

She sat down gently, using her hands as a cushion, as to not fall backwards, afraid that her intensified anxiousness might show through with her movements; she didn't feel quite so confident or blessed with grace now. She was never nervous when it came to such activities as these; it was a normal occurrence in her life, her beauty seeming almost a curse, but for some reason, now she felt exposed. Her arm wrapped subconsciously around her middle, the way an insecure, young girl might tend to do.

A throaty chuckle reverberated through Sebastian's chest as he watched the girl then, his hands placed on either side of the lady's thighs, trapping her as he loomed over her angelic form, "This is a turn of events, isn't it? Why so nervous now, my lovely imp?" His visage leaning closer towards hers with every passing second, his warm, sweet breath caressed her plush, pouty lips.

"I'm not nervous… this is just an act." She said, all too nervously.

"Ah, well, you're an amazing actress then." Sebastian growled demonically, his eyes darkening as he grabbed her wrist, his fingers grazing the skin of her waist, just barely, as he tenderly lifted her arm away from her torso. His lips met with the back of her hand, once again.

"I don't like hide and seek," He whispered against her hand matter-of-factly, his eyes meeting with hers in an almost timid way, in hopes of calming her tense state, knowing that she, without even realizing, had started to recognize him for what he truly was. Humans were much more perceptible nowadays, the only wall separating this woman from really knowing Sebastian's true form was the fact that humans tended to believe demons weren't actually tangible beings, but rather lived in a separate dimension altogether.

She took in a deep breath, only proving that she was, in fact, quite uneasy about this whole situation, yet thrilled all the same. She was curious. And that curiosity had a strong hold on her, and kept her from stopping this situation completely. She allowed Sebastian, this mysterious and beautiful man, to continue, whatever his wishes may be, and she reminded herself: this was just a job.

The gloved hand that held hers slowly pulled away as he brought it to his own mouth, watching her all the while with that same, heated, controlling gaze. He placed the tip of his middle finger to his teeth, where he leisurely, pulled the white fabric off, revealing his perfect, pale, lanky fingers, his black, matte fingernails, and the perfectly geometric pentagram on the back of his lovely hand. The woman studied, what she believed to be, a tattoo with much interest, then raised her eyes reluctantly, yet curiously to his.

"Are you part of a cult?" she asked bluntly as Sebastian's eyes left hers, his hand that held the tattoo beginning to travel up her arm, one finger tracing the elegant line of her collarbone, then traveled up her slender throat, only to stop at her chin, which he gently tilted in his direction, his eyes not meeting hers until he looked at every feature of her carefully sculpted face.

"I'm your master…" He paused and glanced down her body, a small smile curving up one corner of his mouth. "Are you in any position to ask questions?" he raised an eyebrow, and placed his other still-gloved hand upon her smooth thigh. (Which he could obviously feel…through his glove…)

(Well, they're not real gloves… they're obviously just pretend)

The woman swallowed at his sensual tone and even seductive words. How could a man be so confident, intimidating, and utterly beautiful as he?

"Now then," Sebastian began, his hand journeyed up her thigh, his eyes glancing quickly down, then back up as one of his fingers hooked the hem of her black-lace panties, "What is your name?" He asked, his eyes glancing to her lips ever so often.

"Cossette… you may call me that," she answered softly, her own eyes unable to look into his, all confidence lost.

"Oh no, that's not it. Tell me your real name… all of it." He spoke almost demandingly, his eyes catching hers suddenly.

"Elle Espionage," She said after a moment of silence, but unable to not tell him, Sebastian seeming to hold some kind of spell over her.

"Ah, Elle," Sebastian let the name slip over his tongue, savoring the simple taste.

Elle looked down at Sebastian's hand that held onto her undergarments, almost surprised that they hadn't come off yet, "And you?" she asked, her eyes rising back up to his timidly.

Sebastian hummed amusingly, as if contemplating on whether or not he should tell her, "Sebastian… Michaelis," he smirked, knowing she'd know who he was.

And she did, her eyes going momentarily wide, but she soon dismissed the thought once Sebastian shook his head slightly, "Don't think about it… I'm becoming too restless to talk about my current occupation,"

"As you wish, Master." She said, almost bowing her head.

Sebastian, even being the devil that he was, a devil not easily surprised, was surprised in that moment. The only being he had ever met in his life that was mortal and could surprise him had been Ciel, but those words, coming from the lips of a human being, any being really, was a surprise in and of itself. And the fact that those words were meant for his ears… it was a blessed sound. He almost felt sorry that this women wouldn't be around for much longer, but that was only a moments' thought. He didn't allow this moment of surprise to last for long, he smiled warmly at the woman below him, and ran the lace of her panties between his fingers.

(Nyaaaaaa~ today is a happy day! Happy day! Happy happ-happy! ^.^ ahahahaa!)

(I have~ boobies on my~ backsiiiiiiide~)

"These are rather bothersome aren't they? When I first saw them, I didn't think they'd be the most comfortable of things," An evil glint became evident in Sebastian's gleaming, seductive eyes, "Perhaps it has come time to _dispose_ of these." And with that, the panties were quite undone… ripped off really, no longer usable, a useless piece of fabric, no longer fit to wear.

(Oh god! What to do? Ugh… undress them? More details? Agh! … P.P., I'm scared!)

(OH ME TOO! How do we go about this oh so terribly sexy scene!?)

As Sebastian dropped the useless piece of black lace to the ground he dropped his jacket and began the unbuttoning of his white dress shirt. As his fingers skillfully, slowly undid each button Elle became impatient, helping him with the remaining few buttons. And seeing how frustrated and bothered the woman was becoming, Sebastian (tripped and fell on the bed!) place both of his hands on her bare shoulders and gently shoved her back onto the bed, and smiled, a smile that promised he would soon join her.

"Close your eyes… and don't open them until I say," he said in a breathy voice, his words laced with a sort of threat almost, as if the consequences would be great if she were to go against them.

"Are you shy?" She asked amusingly as she closed her eyes obediently.

"Not at all, I'm just full of surprises," Sebastian stated softly.

"Oh, I'm sure you are," Elle chuckled.

A moment passed in silence, then the bed creaked softly. Sebastian leaned over Elle's reclining form, her eyes still closed, a small smile playing at her expecting lips. She kept her eyes dutifully closed as Sebastian brought his lips to her throat, kissing the flesh there softly, his tongue playing with her skin, and he snaked a trail of those teasing kisses down to her collarbone where his teeth, softly, came into play. He plied gently at the delicate skin covering her elegant bones, then continued on with those wicked kisses until he had managed to travel to the porcelain canyon created by her luminous breasts.

"This must go," he whispered against her skin, and smiled when he felt her shiver slightly.

The clasp was in front, so it was an easy business undoing it with his teeth. And he didn't wait for the thing to be properly removed, as soon as new skin was exposed he attacked. Those kisses, soft and plying, teasing and playful, continued, her flesh responding by flushing a soft shade of rose. She was now beginning to wonder what exactly the reason was for her having to close her eyes. What happenings had gone on before Sebastian joined her on the bed? She really wanted to know.

"May I… look?" she asked breathlessly, Sebastian's kisses seeming to take on a more intense form and his lips did seem so different from other men she had been with.

"Hmmm… no," Sebastian breathed, and that was all the reply she got, before he continued with his merciless teasing.

He did something new. He tasted her. His tongue a lingering sort of warmth, even when it was no longer there, against her flesh. She could feel him, hovering above her, his mouth breathing softly against her. And when his lips returned, so soft and full and hungry, to her breast, she couldn't help but feel that he was trying to taste everything about her, within her, and perhaps he could, and that was frightening, to think that with this touch, that caress, this kiss, he could taste and know everything about her, her soul, her very being, all.

His tongue traced a delicate line down her torso, stopping at her navel, teasing the flesh around it, then tasting the navel itself. A hand found its way into Sebastian's thick, raven-hair, pulling slightly as a soft giggle made its way up her elegant throat. She could feel Sebastian's lips turn up, a smirk dancing across his lips against her heated skin.

"Master…" She giggled eagerly. "How can I possibly serve you… like this?"

Sebastian lifted his gaze to her still closed eyes, grinning at the fact that she was still complying with such a trivial request. Just to see, he snaked his fingers to her exposed bosom, gently tracing the erect strawberry, and he was quite satisfied with her small twinge of surprise, biting her bottom lip after a moment. "How can you… I find more pleasure serving than being served," he whispered, and decided it had to be done, and traveled his way back up her gorgeously naked form, descending, firstly, upon the sweetly waiting strawberry, then continuing on his way to her open mouth, biting her bottom lip softly then covering her mouth with his own, his tongue becoming a tool that probed and searched, playing with her lips and her own tongue, tickling the roof of her mouth, bringing them both into a state of utter indulgence. Her hands found their way to Sebastian's muscled back, her fingers tracing down the perfect dip of his spine, her senses becoming even more excited by such a tantalizingly strong physic.

He tried to pull away, but her hands were quick, and she tangled her fingers in his dark hair, forcing her own tongue into his warm, delicious mouth. He had a truly amazing talent, his kissing wasn't quite like anything she had ever experienced, and that was saying something. She wanted more. And as their tongues continued their passionate dance that's exactly what she got. A subtle hand rested gently on her quivering breast leaving it cold as his fingers softly grazed against her skin as they traveled slowly down, his nails gently pressed to her skin, trails of fire being left behind. She hardly realized what he was doing, too entranced with his artful way of kissing, she could hardly pay attention to anything else, until… And she gasped, her eyes shooting open in wonder.

"Hmm… You finally opened your eyes," Sebastian said, staring at her blissful face as his fingers continued their dexterous dance within her. "Disobeying your master… what a naughty girl. You'll have to be punished."

She let out a gasp, unable to reply at first, opening her mouth multiple times, wanting to speak, but unable to as Sebastian mercilessly went on.

"Speak," He commanded, smiling wickedly, not letting up for a moment.

"Punish…. Me…. _Master_," she spoke in heated, broken sighs.

It made absolutely no sense. The way this made her _feel._ How could he possibly… And what would happen when the main event came around? She almost couldn't bear to think about it.

"As you wish… Beloved," He whispered into her ear tenderly, then nibbled at her cartilage.

And then he did… He stopped.

He ran his wet fingers up her thigh, stopped at her knee. Kissed her neck. Moved her leg. Kissed down. Down. And she whimpered.

There was a shadow, over near the door. Sebastian saw it, only for a moment, what appeared to be the shadow of… a cat? He knew exactly who it was, but he didn't allow that to faze him. His meal was before him and he would not be disturbed until the ritual was complete. Until they became one.

He rose, licking his lips as he watched her sparkling eyes closely, his gaze serious and intense as he neared her face once more, his lips only a wisp away from her own. He bent his head down, brushing his lips against hers and watched as her eyelashes fluttered open, revealing to him again those glassy eyes glazed with pleasure. Again, he kissed her, her mouth lazy against his, wanting more for breath than kisses, but when he pulled away wanting more for kisses than breath; such a harried dance, and it would become even more, as he brought his flesh to hers. Her warmth and longing cascading through and over him, nearly drowning him in passion and a certain form of despondency, the kind that only arises when one realizes that merely touching, flesh to flesh, is still a forever distance.

He placed his hands behind her head, his fingers captured by her abundant hair, and gazed warmly and hungrily into her softened eyes. "Beloved," he breathed, watching her intently, marveling at the serene beauty of one about to be taken, of one about to be consumed. "Tell me," he leaned into her, his mouth a whisper against her ear, his breath hot, ready. "What is it that you want most, Elle?"

But he already knew.

* * *

**NOTE: Well... thank god that's over 0.o I'm feeling rather dirty now. Also...BOOBIES! We are now erotica writers! Muahahahahahahaha! ...kinda. sorta. maybe. Oh poop. POOOOOOOOOOOOPIE! nyaaaaaaaa~  
**

**This stupid porno writing can't ruin my awesome as crap - yes crap is awesome, if you're constipated you're a sad person - dayyyyy! AHAHAHAHA! ...Damn. I forgot to go running. But that's ok because my legs are sore anyway! And sand volleyball starts tomorrow! ANNNND I'm going ice-skating with my favorite graceful-falling-person-people! EAT IT. Kacha! ...gotta get back, back to the past, Samurai Jack... Watch out. That's kablamo! ^.^ **


	10. Chapter 10

**Collaboration between PPRainwater and myself! **

* * *

Chapter 10

The Moanings

Kyoya wasn't quite sure he should actually let Sebastian take his best girl to one of the back rooms. There was something suspicious about him that left a bad taste in Kyoya's sly mouth. But then again, this was business, and business was business, even the more dirty sort of business was business, and whatever Cossette decided to let that red eyed man do to her was her business, not Kyoya's. It was not Kyoya's business, whatever they were doing. So he tried not to think about it; but that was a rather hard task considering he knew how talented Cossette was…at her sort of business.

Kyoya stood at the back of the room, in the shadows more or less. He watched everything going on. He watched Hikaru talking to Haruhi, Kaoru sitting, motionless, looking quite shameful, Honey surrounded by women, Tamaki still passed out, and Mori, over there, behind the chair, his hands in his hair and his face downcast, so Kyoya wasn't sure what he was doing. Also, those two shady band members… the red haired one was sort of hovering around the unconscious Tamaki, and that other one, with the crazed smile, was taking mincing, calculating steps towards Hikaru and Haruhi. Kyoya raised an eyebrow; maybe bringing this bunch of idiots to his newest scheme wasn't the smartest idea he had had and really, he hadn't had much choice in the matter; it wasn't actually his idea to begin with. But shit happened and in the end it would all be wiped away. It always was. With the most costly and fanciest of toilet paper, of course.

He looked down at his watch, a rather nice watch it was, made of the finest silver. The hours were ticking away slowly for him, but surely much faster for his deranged companions. He wondered if he should go mingle with some of them, but the only thing that managed to catch his interest was the fact that his prized dancer was pleasuring… that strange man; he was quite hung up on it. Quite. Quite quite quite! Quite hung up on it, he was. And would be until that woman reappeared on the stage she was meant for.

The bespectacled man massaged his forehead. There was a headache threatening him, so he turned away from the bustle of his debauched business and headed for his office. He would have some tea, and maybe a little strawberry tart.

…

"So, you know, the toilette paper that they use at Black Lace tastes much better than other places…. I'm not sure why, but it just seems so much cleaner." The hobo outside the door of the Burlesque club announced excitedly, scratching his dandruff ridden hair luxuriously.

…

"Haruhi," he wasn't really exasperated, or at least, he was trying not to be, especially since she seemed more content than she had been all day. "Why… have you been so uptight?" he asked blatantly, unable to contain his question any longer; Hikaru had never been the most patient person.

"I'm not uptight," Haruhi said offhandedly, clearly uninterested in anything other than the food in front of her.

"Well, obviously, not now but… you were," Hikaru hedged, he wasn't about to let this go.

"I don't see the importance in that conversation," Haruhi mumbled around a mouthful of some sort of pastry.

"This morning, all afternoon, you were acting weird," now he was exasperated.

"Well, yeah, all of us were pretty hung-over, Hikaru." She glanced sideways at the older twin, who was looking off toward where his brother was still sitting, looking much more depressed than he had been a little bit ago, before Hikaru had gone over there… what was with Hikaru and raining on everyone's happy little parades?

Hikaru wasn't ruining Tamaki's parade however, because Tamaki was still asleep and was probably not going to wake up any time soon. At least not in the soon approaching minutes…. Hours perhaps; he wouldn't wake up soon.

**Within the Depths of the Theatre of Tamaki's Mind (The very inner depths) **

He had conquered all the troublesomes… all the troublesome levels! He had been the victor thus far, and the victor he would be in the end! When the last tread had been trod he would be the victor of this fantastical journey of courage, power, and wisdom. But of course, he was only a third of this equation, the fraction that held the particles of courage, because we all knew he couldn't be either of the latter… Tamaki was not powerful and we all knew he had not a shred of wisdom in the blond brain of his.

And now, in this moment, the epitome of the grand story, that courage would be extremely important, because he was in the last level, about to save the world and get the girl! He traversed the stairs, sinister music bouncing off the dark stone walls, music distinctly from an organ, but he hardly heard it – he was too busy trying not to trip, or stab himself with his own sword, to pay attention to much else. He came upon a chasm; the only way to get across would be to use his newly acquired item! So he whipped it out and began on this new treacherous path. He had to dodge many things on his way up, kill a few monsters, but he had done it all before and nothing could stop him from saving his little girl… the princess… Princess Haruhi.

And then he was there… The room was suspiciously dark and negligent of light, but the sound of the organ grew much louder at the entrance, and he knew that this was the right room, that... _He_ was here. He could feel the darkness of his presence, like a thick fog, blanketing the room in the disgusting, cold substance of… evil.

He sat there at the organ, his white gloved hands dancing across the keys in a languid dance, like a ball room dance… no, it was much, much more sensual than that. His fingers brushing against the keys in the most suggestive of ways, his eyes closed as if in bliss of the low, moaning symphony the organ produced. Then, suddenly, those closed eyes opened to reveal the most penetrating shades of crimson Tamaki had ever looked upon, and those bloody things stared, straight at Tamaki, straight into his soul.

A smile, a smirk, a malicious curve of the lips, began to take presence on the sinister man's face, his onyx hair only adding to his malevolent visage.

His costume seemed rather contradictory to the rest of his dominative disposition. His outfit resembled that of a Victorian styled butler's uniform with the addition of a blood-red cape, the red matching that of the man's glistening, burgundy eyes. That cape. That cape of deepest red, seemed almost reminiscent of the nervous beating of Tamaki's heart, the blood rushing quickly through his veins, and he had the sickening feeling that he had been here before. He'd been here before, but the memory was not a pleasant one, but a memory of failure and woe. He was here for the princess but… oh yeah, the princess. THE PRINCESS! She was over there! But no, not in her chair! No she was in a giant CRYSTAL! But not just any crystal, I dare say, but a cylindrical, long, stiff, giant PINK ONE!...

"That's what she said." A mischievous voice in the distance, whispered, from far away, directly into Tamaki's ear, because that makes perfect sense.

So then, all of a sudden, suddenly, it was quite unexpected what happened next, that dark, mysterious man, clad in butter – and that was it – stepped from the shadows behind that huge organ and placed his sword, delicately, into the caped-man's gloved hands. The caped-man wrapped his fingers firmly around the hilt, causing the butter-man to moan in anticipation of was next to come… to come. TO COME TO COME TOCOME!

The gloved hand dove forward, gaining an excited squeal from the man of butter and a disgusted cry from Tamaki as he witnessed the happenings before him. Tamaki struck back with his own sword, the sword that seemed an attachment of himself. The butter man let out a pleased sigh as the stiff things hit together with a resounding clang.

"That will be enough of_ that_," the man with the blood-red cape proclaimed, then quickly took the head off the butter-man, and the butter-man slumped to the ground, but not without letting out a spew of warmth from his severed stem and a hysterical cry of climax from his mouth.

That terrible smile, the one on that severed head's face, grew to an enormous size as the head began bouncing about on the floor, mopping up its own blood with its lolling tongue and mane of silver tangles.

"What a nuisance." The butler-man murmured, more to himself than anyone else, as his sword ground against Tamaki's, his strength unyielding.

A drop of sweat glided down Tamaki's face, his body bending backward at the brute force of the man pushing above him. The man above him smirked once again, his ruby eyes locking with Tamaki's violet ones. No strain, no trouble showed on the butler-like man as he pushed down, even harder.

"You cannot win. The princess is mine… for I am the embodiment of power, oh courageous hero." The man said, his nose only inches from Tamaki's, his breath fiery and had the distinct fragrance of roses. Tamaki stared at the man's lips, so pale and thin, his teeth so sharp and unnaturally white. Then a tongue sprung from behind those pale lips, a tongue that was bright red, as if the man's last meal had been blood, and Tamaki didn't doubt it; before Tamaki could even react, that snake-like tongue was on his neck, licking a wet trail up to his cheek.

"You fiend!" Tamaki shrieked, "Only the princess has permission to touch me in such a sensual way!" If only Tamaki had kept his mouth shut, kept more attention on the trouble at hand, maybe he wouldn't have fallen to the ground.

"You pitiful human, so distracted by perverse thoughts, such an easy being to prey upon," the cloaked figure ran a long-fingered hand through his own hair, effectively revealing to Tamaki the rapist's-sneer forming on his lips.

"Why do you spare me?" Tamaki asked, bewildered as the man threw his sword aside, the blade landing spot on between the butter-man's non-existing breasts.

"I only spare your life, because I need you alive to commence my true desires." The man said, crouching then so he could be level with Tamaki's eyes.

Tamaki knew who this man was. He'd seen him before. He was… Sebastian.

"You demon!" Tamaki squealed, most un-heroically as Sebastian neared closer, and closer still.

Sebastian scoffed, "Yes. That is quite a true statement."

"Where is she?! Where is the Princess Haruhi!?" Tamaki wailed, flinging his arms about wildly, effectively doing absolutely and positively nothing.

"Over there," Sebastian spoke calmly, dodging Tamaki's appendages with ease. "Behind her chair, in that Pink crystal I ordered from Victoria's Secret, just for this superb occasion," he explained, then grabbed Tamaki's limbs and pinioned them above that golden head of his. "In fact, I even purchased a costume from there for her… I'm hoping she'll wear it tonight… Once I've finished with you, of course." He went on, smiling pleasurably, gazing upon Tamaki hungrily.

"W-what?" Was all Tamaki managed to squeak out before Sebastian's pale lips crashed into his. He struggled of course, because that was only proper (in his mind), since he was male and this Sebastian was also decidedly male, but somehow, he couldn't find it in himself to dislike what was happening; which disgusted him.

But then… that hideous tongue! What was it doing? Slithering… around in his cavern of a mouth, like some possessed eel! Revolting, and yet, somewhat sweet… the taste anyway. The taste of that gruesome tongue was like that of nectar of the gods, calming and delicious and soooooo… WHAT WAS HE THINKING?! GOD!?

Tamaki tried, unsuccessfully, to push the appealing mongrel off him, but his attempt at refusal only seemed to excite the domineering man all the more, his tongue delving even further down Tamaki's succulent gullet. Tamaki let out a rather feminine moan at this, he just couldn't seem to stop himself.

Sebastian's hands… they were… traveling to a certain… JESUS CHRIST!

Tamaki promptly bit down on that silky tongue. However, this didn't quite have the effect that Tamaki anticipated. Sebastian did pull away, removing his mouth from Tamaki's and smacked his lips together in speculation.

"Hmm," he mused to himself, licking his lips, then casting a consuming gaze upon Tamaki's flushed face. "How shall I retaliate?" he asked redundantly; having no intention of letting Tamaki get a word in edge-wise. "You know, my dear one, I was intending on saving those clothes for the princess… but I can't help but find myself imagining what they would like on you…" his lips curled up and a half-crazed hiccupy laugh escaped those lips, red from his own blood.

Then, spindly hands reached for Tamaki's pants and just as they were slipping down…

"Damn these retched buttons! GAH!" Grell, not that devilish Sebastian, squealed from the direction of Tamaki's crotch.

Tamaki jumped up from his sleeping position on the couch… it had been a dream… That makes sense, who the hell wears butter and nothing else?

"Get away from the king!" Tamaki bellowed girlishly.

"Oh yes, and what a king you are!" Grell drolled, still working at Tamaki's buttons, not ready to give up yet. "You should tell me about that dream you were having…" the red-haired man glanced up from his work. "A nice one, was it?" he asked, a mischievous little smile forming on his… blood-red lips!

"God have mercy on me! Buddha forgive me! Tom Cruise, I'm sorry!" Tamaki cried shrilly, as he realized the magnitude of the sins his mind had just waltzed through, and he hobbled away from Grell's prying little fingers, in the direction of… anywhere but this goddamned couch! Not only had he subconsciously allowed Grell to kiss him, but he replaced Grell's image with… Sebastian. He had this strange bulge in his pants from imagining himself KISSING Sebastian, that devil man! Why couldn't he have just pretended it was Haruhi? Or Angelina Jolie even? Park Shinhye? Sunako Nakahara!? Bill Kaulitz!?... wait…

"AHHHH!" Tamaki screamed in agony gripping fistfuls of his own hair and banging his head against the next hard surface he made contact with. And then he was on the floor, drifting off into that dark oblivion of his own mind again… right where that awful-tongued man had left off…

…

He opened his deep, russet eyes, his eyelashes fluttering as he, once again, took in the dimness of the room and the emptiness of the bed he lay in. He smiled to himself, licking his lips. She had been just as delicious as he had imagined. He replayed the moments in his head, remembering her terrified expression as he changed form, above her. Remembered the wonderful shape her lips became before she screamed… but he hadn't allowed her to scream. He tore her throat out before she could do that; that delicate throat, a treat in and of itself. And he had slit it so cleanly, so beautifully, nothing had been wasted; he made sure of that. No piece of that gorgeous woman was left in this world.

He rose from the bed, stretching luxuriously, his knotted muscles flexing beautifully. He retrieved his, perfectly folded, clothes from the side table and, skillfully, put them on.

He would have to leave soon. People would get suspicious if Elle didn't return soon after he did. He would have to retire before the rest of them… But the man with the glasses, the one that seemed so in charge, the one that Sebastian knew owned this pristine burlesque club, that Kyoya... what would Sebastian do about him? He knew Kyoya wouldn't be one to let a matter like one of his girls disappearing slide easily. Sebastian would have to take care of him. But how?

"You're quite proud of yourself, aren't you?" Ciel's lilting voice came to him from the shadowy corners of the room. "I thought you only wanted my soul?"

"You've become much more conceited since you've turned, haven't you, Master?" Sebastian asked casually, pulling his pants up shamelessly.

"Sebastian. We signed a contract, you're only to thirst for my soul." Ciel hissed, and jumped up onto the bed, his whiskers trembling, his tail slack.

"You're a demon, Master, you have no soul," Sebastian replied offhandedly, as if he couldn't care less about the conversation they were having, as if he didn't care that he was talking to Ciel at all.

"Sebastian," Ciel growled, his cat eyes angry slits, "Soul or not, I am your Master, and you shall do as I say. You are never to eat another person's soul unless I permit it… That's an order."

Sebastian tensed, buttoning the last button of his shirt, slipping his gloves on. He took in a deep breath, "Yes, Master." Sebastian's voice was low and rumbled with anger.

And that was that.

…

Mori had followed Kyoya at a distance, and had waited a time outside Kyoya's office door for the bespectacled man to get comfortable. Then he knocked, tentatively, at the door.

"Enter," Kyoya spoke, his voice resounding with agitation.

And Mori entered, "May I have a minute?" he asked softly from just inside the doorway.

"Of course," Kyoya spoke quickly, and put down the pen he had been using.

"I want to leave," Mori said, getting straight to the point, he had never been one that was good at beating around the bush.

Kyoya watched Mori for a moment, his face blank of expression, then he slowly pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and smiled softly at the big man.

"I'm sorry Mori, but I'm afraid you can't leave," his voice was resigned, announcing that this was the end of the conversation, but Mori hadn't caught that.

"What?" the big man asked, his voice a bit tighter than usual.

"You _can't_ leave, nobody can," Kyoya answered flippantly. "Until the game is over, no one can leave _Black Lace_."

"What game?" Mori squinted his dark eyes at his friend.

"Why, the game of granting wishes," Kyoya smiled coyly. "Granting all of your inner-desires, my friend: The Game of Truth," now the bespectacled man's smile was a little less coy and a little more frightening, but Mori didn't back away or cringe with fear, he straightened his broad shoulders and glared Kyoya in the eye.

"How do you play?" he asked, suspicion coating his words.

…

Ciel laughed as Sebastian reached for the door's handle, about to leave the room. Sebastian paused, glancing back at his master.

"You'll _never_ be able to leave." Ciel said, a sly smile quirking his whiskers knowingly.

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**NOTE! 7 reviews required for the next installment! **


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Terrible Poetry

"I've been constipated for days…" the hobo outside the mysterious burlesque club chirped happily as he rounded the corner, his eyes peering up at the Burlesque club's sign, a leering look in his eyes.

…

"How did this happen?" Kaoru wondered out loud, looking down at his crotch. The girls were currently preoccupied with gossiping and had pretty much lost interest in him when he had stopped putting on such a show. "I must've peed a lot," he continues, running a finger along his own zipper. "That's the only explanation that makes sense," he nodded to himself.

"I think they'd feel a lot softer if they weren't filled with silicone," he heard one of the girls say, and he looked up to see the one who had spoken – the brunette – peeking into her own bra.

"Oh, ladies, please, I'll be the judge of that." A blond boy with big, leering, brown eyes spoke, his voice a low growl.

"Honey… senpai?" Kaoru voiced as he stared at his, once sweet, elder who had appeared to have grown quite a few inches… in several places.

"No, call me Jane," the brown-eyed-once-Honey-senpai spoke with utmost calm and sincerity.

"J-jane?" Kaoru stared blankly, confused, very confused, and maybe a little confused. He decided to blame Honey's stupidity on the fact that Honey probably had no idea about the difference between English male and female names… he had been a little lax in his studies of American culture. He was probably also a little drunk, to say the least.

The girls around Honey and Kaoru began to giggle uncontrollably, falling over, their silicone implanted breasts bouncing and their rumps giggling along with their robust laughter. (Taine, you may want to visit this Burlesque club).

"Yes," Honey said slowly, posing with one hand to his chin – a very Tamaki-like pose. "Jane," he finished, winking slyly.

"I knew a woman by the name of Jane once… She was delicious." A dark voice said from behind the sofa, two gloved hands cupping Kaoru's shoulders suddenly.

"What? Did she have a magic vagina or something?" Call-me-Jane said, shoving a hand into his pocket, the pocket on his pants. (You just _had _to make sure we all know it's not his breast pocket… which is where I wanted him to shove his hand…:[ )

"That too." Sebastian replied, his hands slowly sliding down towards Kaoru's collarbone, his arms slowly encircling around Kaoru's elegant neck.

"Um…" Kaoru squeaked as Sebastian's arms began a slow constriction, encircling the red-head's slim and pliable neck in a tighter hold. "Sebastian, I'm a fan, you know, your biggest fan in fact, but this… is this… some kind of special treatment? Because I'd be ok with just admiring you and not being choked by you, if that's ok?" his voice ended on a slightly more strangled note.

Sebastian abruptly stopped what he was doing and stood up straight once again. "My deepest and most regretest apologies," and then he walked off, seeming to be in some sort of daze. And he probably was. Indeed. Talking to Ciel had that effect on people.

So Kaoru sat there, wondering to himself what exactly had just happened and what exactly was happening. Hikaru had been mad at him, Honey wanted to be called Jane, and his most loved singer of all time had just about strangled him… the night had been proving to be quite strange. The strangest of nights. Absolutely absurd. Positively ludicrous this night was becoming.

Poop had always been Grell's least favorite thing, because poop is brown, and Grell's least favorite color is brown. It also just so happened that Haruhi's hair is as brown as they come. That's probably why Grell had begun sneaking up behind her with a pair of barber's scissors and had every intention of using them… if Hikaru hadn't seen him that is. BOOBIES!

"Hi Hikaru…" Haruhi was saying as Grell continued his sneaking, bypassing the Undertaker on his way – who was still taking mincing, calculated steps toward the still gorging Haruhi. "I have two boobies, how about you?" Haruhi mumbled, around a mouthful of some questionable slushy substance – probably something alcoholic, seeing as how she was apparently already slobbering drunk. Slobbering everywhere.

"I don't have boobs," Hikaru replied. "Here's another bucket, hold it under your chin," he spoke as he positioned a bucket on Haruhi's lap, which she promptly began slobbering in.

"You're such a liar… everyone… everybody has boobs sooomewhere." Haruhi replied, most of her slushy treat falling out of her mouth.

So Grell finally made it to the back of Haruhi's head. Then Hikaru saw him. Then hell was unleashed. In the form of butter.

Hikaru had been in the process of retrieving a bowl of melted butter for Haruhi's crab, when he noticed Grell, leaning over the beautiful Haruhi – who wasn't so beautiful at the moment because she was slobbering uncontrollably and stuffing her face with whatever she could reach, including Hikaru's hand. But he liked that, oddly enough, especially since she was mainly just licking it, and nibbling on it from time to time. Hikaru's cheeks managed to turn fifty shades of red – it resembled that of a quilt on his face, patches of differing shades of red neatly arranged across his otherwise pale cheeks. Anyway, he was retrieving the butter. Then he saw Grell. He saw him like three times by then. So, he threw that bowl of butter, which he had retrieved like three times by then.

"Oh damn!" Grell yelled as he stumbled backwards, dropping the scissors soon after, before he fell to the floor, landing right on his giggling rump. Not like it would have really mattered if he had cut _Haruhi's hair_ or not, seeing as how she was still wearing her _boy wig._

Haruhi was unaffected by this little scuffle, she was too engrossed in sucking at Hikaru's long, sturdy fingers, mostly because they had the distinct taste of… butter. Haruhi like butter… (and we meant to leave the d off of "like", so suck it… your stick of butter… it's probably in the fridge).

(People are probably going to think, we're like, psycho… the things we write… you know, I really like having dreams where I'm like… Tarzan.)

(that's a good song… By Wonder Boyz.)

(You're stupid)

(You're dumb)

"I do believe my outfit is ruined!" Grell cried in anguish, even though his _outfit_ was hardly an outfit at all, it was just a bunch of red frilly things over… certain areas.

At that moment, the Undertaker had finally traversed his calculative way across the room, and promptly fell on top of Grell. Because, even though he had been taking mincing little steps, and even though he had been calculating the distance, he really hadn't been paying any attention at all as to where he was going… well, obviously, he was going toward Haruhi, but he had failed to add Grell into the equation. ANYWAY.

Meanwhile, in Kyoya's office, at Kyoya's desk, in Kyoya's chair, sat Kyoya, still discussing certain matters with the strong and silent type of Mori.

"So, how do we… get the others to play?" Mori asked after Kyoya had explained the game in full, which still didn't make much sense to the big man.

(Nothing interesting is happening! In this Godforsaken story!)

"Oh, don't worry, they'll be here soon," a haunting voice spoke from a shadowy corner of the room, and from that dark corner sprung a dark furred cat with strikingly blue eyes. "Just as soon as I cast this terrible spell!" the cat spoke cheerily as it sprang onto Kyoya's desk. "Actually, half of it has already been cast… as soon as you seven _humans _walked past that enchanted curtain! The spell was put into motion," the little black cat turned to Kyoya, a frightening gleam in his right eye. "Kyoya, I will complete the seal now, dim the lights," and Kyoya promptly did what he was told, though stiffly.

Mori felt somewhat glued to the spot of floor he was currently standing on. He couldn't move. Then, thunderously, that little cat began to speak… the terrible words of the spell rumbling forth from his gaping maw. And that spell… spilling from his orifice, _was_ absolutely terrible.

"_The desires of your heart,_

_They are as powerful as a fart,_

_They sing in your blood, _

_Like a cow chewing its cud,_

_Desires burn like fires,_

_And sometimes speak like liars,_

_They are a constant whisper, _

_Beware, they blister."_

The cat paused to take in a breath, then continued on with his raucous litany.

"_I am so sad,_

_My T.O.P _

_Is going to the military, _

_I cry and my tears are salty, _

_My T.O.P_

_Is going to the military,_

_He'll be back in two years,_

_My T.O.P_

_Is going to the military,_

_Oh T.O.P _

_Come back to me, _

_Don't go to the military._

_This is a message from your GD3_

_Oh T.O.P _

_Pretty please,_

_Come back to me!"_

The cat stopped and took a shuddering breath, as if trying to gain some composure.

"Excuse me, I don't know what foul beast just possessed me… I have no idea who this T.O.P and this GD are," he coughed. "I'll continue."

But just when he was about to say more, the door to Kyoya's office suddenly flew open, and the rest of hosts and the Butler band members all tumbled into the room.

"Ah, shit. I didn't get to finish, but oh well! Let the games begin!" and with a poof of purple smoke, the cat disappeared.

"What, wait, what?" Hikaru asked, cradling Haruhi against him. She was still in her somewhat overindulged state of confusion, still under the impression that Hikaru's fingers where never-melting sticks of delicious butter.

"Welcome," Kyoya spoke. "To the game of granting wishes. Allow me to tell you all how this game works…"

And his melodious voice carried on, explaining the intricate details of this terrible game. However, the only rule anybody actually remembered was this:

_Do whatever you please. _

* * *

**We need like... 7 or 8 reviews. maybe 10. 20 would be nice. **

**KAMSAMNIDA ASS FACE! Also, make sure you look up that song I mentioned ;D (Tarzan by Wonder Boyz) PPRainwater**

**You don't actually need to look up that song she mentioned... you'll be disappointed -.- anyways! we're sorry about the looooooooong delay. Well, I am... blame my summer classes! I'm so sad... Oh T.O.P, GD will be so lonely without you!**

**loveyoukaybye!**


End file.
